A little real life wife chat

So I have talked about this a little bit before, but the longer I am married the more I am realizing there is such a need for this. Before you get married everyone you ask about marriage will tell you oh it's great, it's wonderful, you will love it! The only reputable piece of advice I received was don't light a candle in the bathroom after you poop, then it just smells like poop and candle, so we have branded that term the poop candle term! But that was honest, appreciative advice. And for some reason, people would rather pretend marriage is great than to admit things are hard, or they have difficulties. Because we are all so perfect! And honestly, this DOES NOT help one bit. It sets you up for complete failure actually.

You go into marriage with all these expectations and think you will dance around and laugh every time you see each other. He will be perfect and never leave the toilet seat down and will help with all the chores and never complain! I also get a bit peeved at looking at some of these perfect blogs. I get a little sick of hearing about how they had a perfect day at their perfect job and took perfect pictures after their perfect work out and came home to a perfect husband. Please gag me. It's so cute for the first 4 posts, or when you want to look up a perfect DIY project, but to read every day or to learn something, they just don't do anything.

I understand not airing your dirty laundry and saying yesterday he called me this and now we are having this fight and he is sleeping on the couch! That is not what I am saying. But as a married woman, it is nice to hear other people have some of the same struggles, and what they have done about them to improve the situation, because let's face it, things will not always get fixed or poof be gone!

They cater into this same thing of life and marriage are perfect. Then you watch movies or tv shows and they show you either marriage is perfect or if it's hard you just get a divorce. There is no in between, there is no hey this is hard, you have to work on it! It's when things get tough run. Or this is going to be so amazing! And we wonder why we have so many divorced people! Marriage is hard and people neglect to mention that before you get married. They neglect to mention that it really is the hardest thing you will ever do. And that it is a daily task. Not say I do and that's it. You have a 24/7 job once you get married and it is HARD.

This leads me into saying that for me, I need help, I need advice, and I need places to go to find it. These perfect blogs don't help, and most main stream tv or movies do not help. Why are we so afraid to admit hardships in marriage? I promise to you that I will not be that way. I am not afraid to talk about the hidden things in marriage and I hope you have an open mind when discussing it. You should want your marriage to be the best it can be, and admitting you have no faults, your marriage has no problems, and you don't need advice is complete crap! Most of us haven't been married 60 years and have it all figured out, I don't think they do either honestly.

I also don't have it all figured out! I wish I did. I think it's time I shed some of my honesty and admit some of my failures. I know I can be doing better as a wife. I know I have yet to learn how to be selfless. I have also really learned that when my heart and focus is not set on being with God on a daily basis and with everything I do, I tend to slip back into the world's ways and it affects my marriage GREATLY. You can't rely on the other person to make you happy, and willing them and wishing them to change something they do will only get intro trouble. What you really should be doing is pray to God that he can help the situation some how, whether it be changing your heart or his.

I used to be OCD with cleaning, and he was the exact opposite, it drove me insane! But after praying on it continuously God changed my heart, not my husbands. He helped me to be more accepting of mess, and realize hey if it doesn't get done today, it's OK. It has taken me some time to be ok with this, but now mess barely bothers me. I am worlds away from where I was when we first got married.

In realizing this, it has helped my mind set so much to see that if I don't focus on God to help me be a good wife, then I won't be. I may not be the best wife, but when I am treating him the way God commands me to, then that is being the best wife!

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There are so many topics though that no one decides to tell you about before you get married, and one of them is sex and intimacy. GASP. Oh no I said the s word! That's a dirty word, and no one does that, especially if you are married! Come on, another load of crap people. There are so many people who struggle with this issue in marriage. They think you get married, bam, sex life will be perfect! And that is just not the case. You will still flirt, and be all cutesy like you were when you dated. Eh WRONGO. It's like you get married and everything just stops. All that work to get them, now you have them, so the work is over. When in reality, the work has just begun. And I think most of us are not sex addicts, so having a sex life when we are super busy is hard work. You really have to think about it and make it a priority to focus on.

I found an awesome blog where she is writing this into a book and I highly suggest if you are a wife, you read this, no matter how wonderful your marriage is. She talks about a lot of subjects that are hidden and that we all would love to talk about! It is sad though to read some of the comments people leave and that some don't see sex in marriage as a gift from God, but as something dirty and awful. And talking about it in public is a sin! Why would God create something so wonderful in marriage that he allows if it was so awful? Talking about it doesn't mean you are out whoring yourself out. You are simply trying to figure out how to have a better sex life, there is no shame in that. You aren't sharing pictures or anything like that. Asking questions isn't wrong! It saddens me they have these view points, and for their husbands!

A marriage will not work without connection, intimacy, and yes without sex. It causes stress in all regions and that just leads to more and more problems. It is a very important issue and I would like to help all the wives out there who have questions! Please go read her 29 day challenge! You don't have to do it with your husband, you can learn some ideas to bank for later if you want. But if you can do it with your husband all the better! I also would highly recommend watching the movie Fireproof! I think it shows how most marriages work and what happens when you focus on God and your spouse and not yourself! They also have a book called The Love Dare. I would highly recommend that as well!

Here is her website:
http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/02/29-days-to-great-sex-day-1-the-act-of-marriage/

What do you ladies think about all this? Are there things you wished people would have told you before marriage? Did you think it would be this hard or has it been easy? Is it hard to admit that things aren't always amazing? Why?

Tornadoes, Cupcakes, & 6 Monthaversary, Oh My!

So Thursday at the end of work, we had some storms roll in. I was peacefully reading my book while Layla was napping when my mom called to tell me there had been a tornado about 25 min north of where I was. It wasn't even raining here yet. I turned on the news and they had the tornado watch on. I called Antonio to tell him what was going on since he was off and at home. Then all of a sudden the loudest crack of lightning/thunder I have ever heard in my life hit right above the house. Antonio could see it out our window (I live about 7-9 minutes from work) and said it looked like an explosion above us. He heard it through the phone, then heard it about 6 seconds later. It sounded like someone shot a gun off in my ear, I have never heard something so loud from nature. It freaked me out and of course woke Layla up and freaked her out. About 5 min later, her mom got home and told me to leave now before the storm hits.

So I made it home and about 15 minutes later there were reports of funnel clouds about 10 minutes away from us with possibility to touch down. Then this came on the screen-

Always what you want to see!

So the rain started really picking up with the window and we were just about to go to stand in the tub, this is the only safe place in our apartment with no windows. When I looked out the window and it started hailing. Which freaked me out quite a bit. Hail is a huge sign for a tornado coming. 

Snow? No! Hail.

They came up to the door, I didn't go stand outside collecting them!

So after it started hailing we proceeded to stand in the tub as the sirens went off outside, praying no tornado's touch down!

this was his "terrified" face. He looks scared doesn't he? not.

So luckily the storm got to us then turned south. No tornado's here, but still shocked to have a tornado in MI during March. It hit Dexter. There was quite a bit of damage done and they will be cleaning up for awhile. Thankful no one was killed though!

Friday night we had date night and of course the topic was sex. Talk about awkward having to talk about that with your parents in the room. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but it wasn't too bad, thankfully. We went out to dinner with Buddy Shuh and his wife after at Sidetracks. Pretty tasty!

Saturday I did my normal crazy schedule at the gym and arrived at 8 am for 8:15 bodyflow. Then Spinning after, took a break got a protein shake and sat outside till RPM spinning. I was worn out later on needless to say. Then I had an afternoon date with my Meggers. We went and saw Wanderlust. It was alright. I thought it was going to be a lot funnier, but it had a unique sense of humor to it. I would recommend just waiting for dvd. We then had to go get cupcakes of course!

Doing what we do best, take pics and eat cupcakes!

Nom nom nom

After I had to run home to change and get ready to go celebrate our 6 monthaversary of marriage! Antonio's mom had gotten us a gift card for a restaurant called Andiamo's and 2 movie passes. So we opted to see 21 Jump Street after. That was much better than Wanderlust! It was pretty hilarious, a bit of language though to warn you. So here are some pics from our Andiamos adventure.

our free appetizer for it being our first time there

the fireplace that would be turned on normally this time of year!

Basically a kit kat covered in chocolate mousse and chocolate ganache, then lit on fire.

hubs

Me!

And on Sunday my throat was hurting and I was super tired. So I pretty much sat in bed, napped, and watched TV. Throats still hurting today but I am trying to fight through and not let it keep me down. Hope you had a good weekend!

Your turn-

-Have you seen either movie? Comments.

-Have you ever been near a Tornado/seen one?

-How was your weekend?

Vday recap!

So I will describe vday more or less in pics. We had a part 1 and 2. Part 1 was Antonio's vday from me, and part 2 was his vday for me. They had to be on seperate days so we could fit it all in! So for my part, I took him to a wine tasting at St. Julian Winery down in Dundee. He is really getting into wine lately so I thought that would be fun. Then there just so happened to be a Russell Stover Store in the parking lot! SCORE! So we ventured over there and checked out the goodies.. maybe had a few of them.. maybe not! ;) Then we went and saw an early viewing of the Vow, pretty good. Then after that I took him to this Mexican place that is called Tios. If you have ever watched Man vs Food, he did this 5 lb nacho challenge at Tios. Antonio has been wanting to go there SO bad and try it, so I thought hey why not surprise him with this. On our way to Tios, we had a nice blizzard which was fun to drive in! (Not!) So after our evening adventures, we slowly made our way home, good thing we weren't too far from Tios! So here is part 1 in pics!

Wine tasting

Don't mind silly husband.

Every girl's fantasy, no? Or diabetes in a box.

all the candies that they messed up on go in here and they sell them for much cheaper

almost purchased this bumper sticker

Antonio said if I was a caramel apple, this is what I would look like.. aww so romantic.

this was 12 minutes into challenge!

He ordered it before I could argue price!

He couldn't do it, and this was after I dove in and helped out. Still at least a pound left! 

Part 2

He started off by surprising me with flowers, a card, and little desserts from whole foods that he had left in my car while I was working! Sneaky.. I know. Then when I got home he told me we are leaving now! So glad I hadn't showered, put jeans on, or had make up on. Looked like a hot mess! He took me to The Earle in AA. We had appetizers, which were phenomenal! Can't wait to eat meals there one day! Then we left and he proceeded to take me to a comedy show, which he had reserved from row seats to! That was super fun and a story best told in person! This time we didn't have a snow storm and it was about 32 out, so we decided to wander around AA and we were still hungry so we decided to go to noodles and company (I had a coupon for free dinners! score!) and took it home to eat as we watched one of our dvr shows we both like. It was a very nice evening and he did a good job! :) What a good husband!

I was surprised when I opened my door!

He got me a canoli (MY FAV,) this smaller things, one with white chocolate filling, white chocolate & pink chocolate shavings on top, the other with raspberry mousse and pink sprinkles! He knows me all too well. :)

Inside of our booth at The Earle, made out of wine corks

Cheese stuffed tortellini with a cream sauce. O M G. I almost licked the plate it was that good.

Risotto balls deep fried, aka upscale version of cheese sticks. Amazeballs!!!

View from our table, hard to tell how cool it was in there.

AA Comedy Club

:)

So there you have it. I would say we had a pretty great Valentine's Day! I know we probably won't keep this up for too long, but it is fun to do while we are still young, newlyweds, and have no kids! We may not be able to do this kind of stuff in the future, so we wanted to take advantage of it now! 

Happy Monday! 

Any other good wine tasting places in MI?

Any restaurants you recommend? 

Did you have any traditions you did early on in marriage that you no longer do now?

Stand up for marriage!

Happy Tuesday all! So today I figured we would go back down newlywed marriage life! You may recall I have mentioned before the Love and Respect and 5 Love Languages book, and how great they are for any marriage. We are currently doing the Love and Respect book on our date night with many other married couples, and we watch the videos that go along with the book. They are located on youtube if you would like to check them out! This has been helping us tremendously and I would highly recommend it to any couple, whether dating, engaged, or married!

I would also like to recommend 2 movies as well. One is about being a good Christian father, and the other is about having a good Christian marriage. They are both awesome and have helped both of us during our marriage. They are Courageous, and Fireproof. Go get them!!

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Most people assume marriage is going to be just this easy fun thing they portray in movies. Or that if things get hard then I will just get a divorce, easy out! But as Christians, we have decided that when we said I do, we said I do for forever. And we will work as hard as we possibly can to make things work. The word divorce is not in our vocabulary.

Marriage is probably the absolute hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There are days I want to bang my head against the wall, and there are other days life is grand. But it is a full time job, and going into marriage I hope people understand this. /You have to give up your old selfish life, to be completely selfless. And this is so very hard when you have been selfish for (insert age here) yrs. It takes a lot of transitioning, a lot of trial and error. But when you start understanding God's design for marriage and giving yourself to that, things become wonderful. I am not saying marriage will always be wonderful after this. You will have hard days, and you will have ok days. But in the end you know you have a partner who loves you, and wants the best for you. They love you like Christ loves the church. And that is a great feeling!

But before you can fully feel that love, you also have to have a personal relationship with God. You have to understand your spouse can NOT fulfill you 100% and only God's love can fill you up and fill your inner most needs. So when you have that relationship and closeness with God, you are fulfilled and every sweet thing your spouse does is just an added bonus! And when they do things like this-

Tulip plant (flowers die too fast, he says) & cosmo!

It makes your day so much better, and you are so appreciative! If you say I do, just remember you want to work hard at this new job, you want to make it work, through good and bad, not just good. 

Marriage in our country is such a joke. Do you ever hear the phrase "stand up for marriage?" No. All you hear about are divorces, not long lasting marriages being praised. The amount of divorce and 2 days marriages, or drive throughs in Vegas, are such a mockery to the sanctity of this precious gift God gave us of marriage. It is pretty disgusting to me and so sad to see how selfish people are that they would rather make themselves happy then their spouse, and run to lawyers for divorce papers when things get hard. It saddens me to see the lack of effort people put into marriage anymore, and don't realize the effects it has on their children and families, just so they can be happy. Or they run into someone else's arms because they are not being fulfilled the way they want to. But yet are they trying hard to fulfill their partners needs? If you look at so many other countries, the divorces are far less then in America. No one believes in a long marriage and if you are married 10+ years people perceive it as a miracle! How sad. 

I told someone that divorce was not in our vocabulary and no pre-nup and they were shocked. And couldn't believe we could commit to that and how great there's still people left like that. This is what our country has come to. And pre-nups? Come on you are basically asking for failure. Completely ridiculous if you ask me. If you are adult enough to get married, then you are adult enough to work things out and take responsibility for your choices and actions. 

Another thing that bugs me is how the view of men in marriage has changed so drastically over the past 100 years. Most men are pushed to the back burner, and so disrespected when it comes to marriage, it's no wonder they want out. They get so degraded and belittled, just so the women can have some "rights." But equality in marriage has turned more into the man should bow down to the wife and treat her like a queen. Now I am not saying being treated like a queen is bad, but I will treat him like a King back. We as women are so spoiled as a nation that we think we deserve to be the only ones being respected and treated amazing in marriage. Guys are sidekicks. Well then why get married in the first place? Marriage is not about who reigns above who. You are a partnership and need to treat each other with respect and love. And at the end of the day, the man is the head of the household and should have that respect. Not made to feel like he is dirt on the rug you step all over. Pictures like these used to be funny to me before I got married, but now I realize how mean and disrespectful to a man this is.

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all via Pinterest

Comments like these all make a mockery out of marriage. So it's not wonder our country takes it as a joke when that's all we see most of the time. Or we see all these celebs being married for 72 days, less than a year, 2 days. It is looked upon as a joke and made to be ok to just give up. It's not often you see things like these in movies, or on tv-

all via Pinterest

If only movies and media portrayed marriage as something real, not a joke, do you think our country would have quite a different outlook on marriage? Or if divorce was made illegal? What would happen if people had to stop being selfish and lazy and actually had to work on their marriage last for forever? Imagine it will you? So let's help each other stay married, not push people into getting a divorce. Support the sanctity of marriage and the effort in trying. Stand up for marriage and what it's worth.

Any tips you have for married couples??

A little real life wife talk!

Ok this post isn't just directed towards wife's! I am just speaking from a wife point of view and some things may apply more to wives than other things I talk about! Ok now that we have that out of the way let's move on.

So I was thinking about what I wanted to post today as I was doing our mound of dishes. And I had a few things come to mind and my first thing was about blogging and wifehood. Now I love to read other people's blogs as much as the next person and I have come to see a pattern recently in many blogs I see. If you are a blogger I think you will agree with me that you tend to see a lot of the wive's blogs posted seem to be almost too perfect. All you hear about is how they cook a daily recipe with their amazing pictures on their perfectly decorated tables. Or that pretty much every day in their lives seems to be amazing. They never have anything bad happen to them, maybe a broken nail or a hair out of place. You never hear about their kitchen being dirty *gasp* ever. You never hear about their husbands leaving the toilet seat up and they fall in the toilet in the middle of the night, or once again your husband forgot to refill the toilet paper roll and you are sitting there wondering how you can maneuver to get the extra roll from under the counter without dripping pee all over the place. Their blogs are so peppy and happy ALL the time. I feel as though people think they need to post things so people think you have it all together all the time. Uhm hello, are you alive? This is such crap to me.

It is one thing to post about a really awesome few days or something. But I feel like I am not good enough when I read these oh so perfect blogs. I am sure they didn't even make a mess creating their daily blog masterpiece meals! In all actuality they kind of annoy me. I know their intentions are not to say hey I am better than you, I think they just want people to like their blog and see their superwoman powers they contain. Which as a woman we all have those! I just know my superpowers tend to work when they want to, which doesn't happen every day! I mean my mother is super woman, I am convinced of this. She gives Martha Stewart a run for her money and I don't think Martha would stand a chance! But even my mom's super powers take a break and she has bad days. So what I am getting at is as wonderful as those blogs are, for myself, I want real.

I am tired of women having to live up to these perfect persona's of having to do it all. I want to hear about people's struggle's and how they over come them. I want to hear about trials in your marriage that you found a way to work through. I want to know what pushes you through a bad day or a good day. I want to know how you deal with our raging hormones or a bad hair day. I want to know how falling in the toilet at 2 am was for you. I want to know that saying hey, I need a break is OK. I want to know that not having superpowers 24/7 is normal. I want to know we are all the same and just human.

I love hearing about new recipe's and how to remove stains from my carpet as much as the next wife, but I also want to grow and learn as a person. Being a wife is new territory and I don't think you can ever know it all when it comes to that area. I think helping other wives and women is a blessing. I think most people want to hear the real stuff. If you have gone through something you can laugh and say oh yes I have been there, this is my story. Or hey here is my advice on that. People who never have any problems are complete fakers in my opinion. If you are married you know it isn't easy. So as wives why aren't we trying to help each other more often? Because admitting we aren't perfect is a big scary step. I honestly have more respect for the women who keep it real and aren't afraid to say my kitchen has been dirty for 3 whole days! (oh no!!) There are days I want to scream because I am at the end of my rope! But heaven forbid I say marriage is hard or things aren't going so well. There are other days where marriage is like a heavenly dream and we have a great night. I also like to hear about those things!

I feel like there are so many little secrets to making a marriage work and I want to know them. I am sure I am not the only one who wants to know! And I am sure there are too many proud women who refuse to go buy a self help marriage book because they will figure it out on their own. Come on really? Why make your marriage suffer because of your ego. There's a reason you were not born into wifehood. You have to learn how to be a good wife, it isn't just natural, sorry to burst that bubble. And I don't understand why people are afraid to talk about it. Just because things aren't great doesn't mean you are a failure. If anything find a way to fix it! I was talking to my friend about this and she hadn't mentioned anything to me about her marriage except it was great blah blah and then I suggested a book for her to read and it was like a lightswitch went off and she opened up to me about how they were going to counseling and things were so hard. And I thought why do we need to put up such a front about things. We don't have to sit there and explain in detail how things are going but isn't it wrong to sit there and lie about things as well? I told her if she ever wanted to talk about marriage I am here, I will not sugar coat things and I will be real about it. And if you are mad over toilet paper, I am sure I have a similar story.

You would be amazed at how many other women are going through the same things! Even beginning my blog I thought I will only put things up that show how great of a wife I am so everyone thinks things are great! I now realize that I may have been real about other parts of my life but maybe not so much my marriage. So I am here to promise I will be real to an extent and will not be a "perfect blog," I am here to help in any way I can! If you are having a bad day and want to talk, let me know. If you have a question, let me know. If you want prayer for your marriage or yourself let me know. I want women to know that we don't need to be alone during all this. And it is ok to have dirty dishes in the sink, dirty clothes in the hamper, and a messy place for more then 24 hrs. You are not a bad wife!

I also have a book that I HIGHLY recommend any woman to read that is in a relationship! Whether you have been married 20 yrs or engaged or just dating. This book in phenomenal and it has changed our marriage dramatically! Not to say ours is perfect now, it is daily work. But I feel as though this has given us huge tools and knowledge to work with! It is called Love and Respect.

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This book is not just for the woman it is for the woman and man to read. It basically tells you why women act a certain way and why men do. And you not only learn about how you act and why you act that way, but you learn why the man does too so you can recognize certain things when they are happening. It talks about the crazy cycle. When wives feel unloved they don't respect their husbands. When husbands don't feel respected they act unloving towards their wives. And so the cycle becomes a circle on repeat till someone jumps off. 

Now as important as it is for a woman to feel loved, it is for men to feel respected. When they feel respected they feel loved. As women when we feel loved we feel respected. So you may think because you are showing love in your way to him that he should be responding lovingly, but that is not the case. You may think you are doing something loving but if he feels disrespected in any way he shuts down and becomes unloving. This was a huge revelation to me. I thought back on all our fights and thought about them. I thought showing my concern over something was the right thing to do. But in the midst of it I never realized what I was saying was being disrespectful. And basically anything to bring him down or make him feel like less of a man or unsupported makes him feel disrespected. I had NO idea! It made so much sense why when I was trying to express I felt unloved he felt like I was saying he wasn't good enough which in turn made him feel disrespected. So why would he be loving after that? So now I understand I have to analyze things I say and make sure I am expressing why I feel how I do without being disrespectful.

It also talks about how men and women see things completely differently. Women wear pink sunglasses and pink hearing aids. Men wear blue sunglasses and blue hearing aids. So you could say the same phrase to both the man and woman and they hear two completely different things. That made so much sense to me! And he gives examples of this. 

He also shows biblical reason as why wives need to respect their husband and why husbands need to love their wives. As women we are wired to love unconditionally. So when we hear unconditional respect we are like whatttt??  What is that? How do we do that? Men are wired to have unconditional respect so they hear you need to love unconditionally and they are like whatttt?? What is that? How do we do that? So you see ladies, men and women are QUITE different. So when we talk to them we can't expect them to understand how we feel or to just get it. Cuz trust me they won't! 

He talks about ways you can show respect to your husband and ways husbands can show love to their wives. Because they have no idea what you like and you have no idea what they like. Our view of respect is completely different then their view! There are SO many other great things in this book I can't even begin to tell you! And it WORKS. I am living proof here to tell you this works! It is REALLY hard to not be prideful and selfish and to say sorry. But when things are done right, the end results are amazing! You will find your husband showing you love in your way not theirs. Like cleaning the kitchen, bringing home a card and flowers. When they feel respected they want to show they love you more! It is quite amazing to watch it right in front of your eyes! So if you have not read this book, PLEASE buy it and have your spouse read it with you as well. I promise it will change things!

The second book I would recommend is the 5 love languages. This book talks about how we all have 5 love languages and you figure out your top 2 and your spouse figures out their top 2 and then you are able to know how to show each other love.

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For example my top 2 are quality time and acts of service. So ways I show love are like cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, having food on the table when he gets home from a long day of work, etc. Or watching a movie together, date night. Just having time alone together and having fun. His top 2 are physical touch and words of affirmation. Which are on the bottom of my list. So I may be showing I love him buy making him dinner, but to him it's just food on a table that he doesn't have to make. If he walked in the door I could have no food on the table and I could tackle him and kiss him and hug him and tell him how much I missed him and how much I love him and he would be happier then if I had food on the table when he walked in. It is odd to me since it's not my love language but it's what makes him tick! So learning the others love languages helps you realize you may think you are being loving but they are not receiving that love because they love differently! 

The third book I recommend is Wild at Heart.

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This book is about discovering a man's soul. It helps you understand why they do certain things they do and that you need to let them be "men." Like why they play video games, work out, play sports, paintball, need to own a gun, etc. It also explains their need for physical touch and what happens when they don't get it. Why so many men are addicted to pornography. It is quite insightful and I think your man would enjoy learning about why they do certain things!

The last thing I would like to mention is a lesson from our church that was on marriage. It is about an hour long and it brings up many other points that are not in any of these books that are also quite helpful! Remember when you said I do, you said I do for forever. There is no word like divorce in your vocabulary and you need to do everything possible to make your marriage work. You need to be willing to do whatever it takes and admit you are wrong! http://northridgechurch.com/talks/nrc12/the-notebook%E2%80%A6-choose-to-be-a-good-mate/

So here are a few helpful tips! And I hope these can help someone else as they have helped me! I am not perfect and I will mess up all the time. But I want to be with Antonio for the rest of my life, and it is my priority to make sure our marriage works! If you have any tips, advice, books worth reading, I would love to hear about it! So here is to being real, and I hope as a woman you can know you are amazing whether dinner is made or not! Getting married is a huge step and you are worth being praised for doing so and committing to forever and making it work! Don't give up and know there are so many more out there struggling too! 

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25

It's ok to take a break.. and eat cookies!

So I just needed to take a bit of a break from the Internet world. I haven't been on my computer much the past week. And honestly I didn't even really feel like it. I am not 100% sure what was going on, but there was a lot emotionally and mentally running through me and I just needed some time to deal with it. I know it is going to take me a while to adjust to married life and slowly but surely we are learning things, whether is be the easy way or the hard way!

Have you ever had anyone say something to you that just made you question your entire personality and self? Then made you wonder if people really like you or maybe you just think they do? Well I heard a comment of this nature and it really messed with me. I pretty much just shut down and tried to process this comment and let myself focus on it so much it was starting to slowly destroy me inside. I was in this weird funk and I just really had no idea what to do with myself. I felt like blogging or facebooking was only going to prove this person's point even further, so I avoided it. I finally decided to tell Megan about it and she is always there with open arms to listen to me and give me advice. And she helped snap me out of my funk. I don't think I have had anyone say something like that to me in such a long time that my guard was down and I let it get to me. Normally I wouldn't listen to such nonsense because I am used to hearing things like that and just ignoring them, but it makes it a lot harder when it comes from someone close to you that you weren't expecting it from. I finally realized that I think the comment was made out of anger and I don't agree with it. I am not going to let this comment get me down anymore, and if people don't like how I am then they don't need to be around me anyways. I have a lot of good friends, and I must be doing something right if they are sticking around!

Moving on to marriage stuff! So, basically when it comes to marriage, you really just need to take it one day at a time. Because every day is different! I can wake up expecting it to be a great day, I am in a great mood, and he is not. No matter how much I try to change this, sometimes it just doesn't work. Learning each other's habits, and what's important to each other takes time. Developing new habits for both of us also takes time. If he leaves a towel on the floor or somewhere one more time! haha He is learning that this bugs me beyond ALL belief. Especially when a wet towel is left on my side of the bed and now it is wet as well! So now every time a wet towel is left out, it ends up on his pillow. I think he is learning.. he will get it at some point!

We go to a date night the first and third Friday's of the month. We meet with other married couples for about an hour, then go out on a date. Some couples have been married a short time, some 5 yrs, some 15, some 20+. So it is nice to hear advice from others who have done this for awhile and tips they have for us! It is also with other Christian couples so we learn a lot of things involving God and how to give our relationship up to Him. A few things we talked about Friday is that love is not an emotion, it is a decision. This may be the most profound relationship advice I have heard this far. When you said I do, you committed to loving this person the rest of your life. And when you are angry with each other you have to remember you decided to love already so you can't let your emotions tell you when you love. So as hard as it may be you still need to say I love you when angry with each other and not let emotions decide for you. This application can also be applied to SO many other things not just relationships! We also learned that when people use the phrase "always" or "never" do you notice it is most used for negative things? Like you never take the trash out or you always leave the towel on the floor. It may seem like they always or never do but chances are they don't do this or do do this 100% of the time. So they really are unfair fighting words. Unless you have substantial proof, like you never clean the oven because they really never have, then it is unfair of you to use these words to express how you are feeling. Do you ever hear always or never used in a positive sentence? Like you always wash the dishes! Or you never complain! Not usually! Think about it.When you have a disagreement, it is best to pray to God for help and to ask him to either change your heart or his heart to get to an answer and work things out. And we have to realize everyone will come with imperfections, they can not be perfect 100% of the time, so you have to let them be imperfect and not expect perfection. And you can't rely on them to make you happy and fill you up. They can to an extent, but you have to let God do the rest. He needs to fill up the rest of your cup that you may feel is empty. He is the one who will make it overflow, not your spouse. I think that was huge for me. You place a lot of happiness on other people in your lives but are you placing it with the most important person in your life? This is something I need to work more on and spend more time with God. Seek ye first and all these things will be added unto you. Seek his love first and your spouses love will follow to help fill you up.

One last thing on this! Our friends do this to let each other know what kind of mood they are in when they come home or see each other after working so that they may know how to treat each other or what they are in for. If she is having a bad day or is really emotional she says I am fragile, so he knows he has to adjust to this so he doesn't do anything to upset her. Or if he comes home and says I had a really bad day at work, give me 30 minutes alone to unwind and clear my mind then we can talk, and she knows not to talk his ear off when he walks in the door and will NOT hear anything she said because he does not want to listen to it. He said at some point in the evening he gives her 15 min of undivided attention and she can tell him whatever she wants. This way she doesn't hold it all in and explode or feel like he isn't paying attention to her. Sometimes we just need to talk, we don't need advice, we just want to vent and be heard. Once we basically word vomit, we are ok! Especially if we are around kids ALL day, we need adult interaction! Then after that we usually can go on about with whatever and feel like we are being loved since we got to talk and have undivided attention. He said 15 min of time can save you hours of arguing or an evening of a wife in a bad mood, and it isn't that hard to do! And as always pray about things on a daily basis and don't be afraid to ask for advice or help.

Church was about picking your friends. It was very interesting. Most of the time we end up picking our friends, who then influence our lives. We let others influence how our life is going to be, when it should be we decide how we want our lives to be, then pick our friends accordingly. We also care more about what we are wearing or take more time picking a car or an outfit then we do picking our friends. We barely put any stock into picking friends when it is hugely important to have the right people surrounding us. Look at your friends, do they influence your life to be a certain way, or did you pick them after choosing how you wanted to live? Do they bring you closer to God or farther away? Are they trustworthy, supportive, caring, loving, peace makers, safe, and followers of God? Do they bring you up not break you down? How do you choose your friends? It is ok to be friendly with people, God tells us to be friendly with everyone. But when it comes to close friends, we should choose more carefully. Be aware that if that person has bad intentions, you will probably get dragged down with them and do the same. Are you choosing how you want to live or letting your friends do it for you? Just some food for thought!

Speaking of food, picture time!! So friday I made French dip in the crock pot. It turned out pretty good! Would have been better with some horseradish but it tasted like something you would have ordered in a restaurant!
recipe: http://bakingbites.com/2008/02/slow-cooker-french-dip-sandwich/

Slow Cooker French Dip Sandwiches
approx 3 1/2 lbs beef chuck roast
16-oz. beef broth (1 1/2 cans)
1 10.5-oz. can condensed French onion soup
6-oz red wine
1 tsp garlic powder
salt and pepper, to taste
4-6 French rolls
sliced provolone cheese, optional

Trim excess fat off of beef roast and season meat all over with salt and pepper.
Pour beef broth, condensed French onion soup, red wine and garlic powder into slow cooker and place beef roast into liquid.
Cook on low for 6-8 hours. Slow cookers have different time intervals that you can select, so work with your cooker. Depending on how the settings on your slow cooker work, the time will vary. Since this is cooking in liquid, you don’t have to worry about the meat drying out in the same way you might if you were roasting the meat in the oven. Mine took 7 1/2 hours and was falling apart tender.
Take beef out and rest it, covered with aluminum foil, for about 15 minutes. Slice beef and return to slow cooker on low or very low for 30 minutes.
Lightly toast the bread and evenly distribute cheese between rolls, if using. Divide beef onto rolls and spoon the beef juice* into ramekins or other small bowls and eat everything while it is hot. Serve each sandwich with its own dip.

Seves 4-6.

*Note: If there is excess fat in your au jus, simply pour it from the slow cooker into a large measuring cup and let it stand for about 5 minutes so the fat separates. Skim it off, then pour the juice into serving cups. 

I then made this as a side, lemon garlic roasted asparagus. DELICIOUS!
recipe here: http://budgetbytes.blogspot.com/2011/03/lemon-garlic-roasted-asparagus-321.html

Added some sweet potato fries and this was the end result!

Yum!!

Then I made some red velvet white chocolate chip cookies. Guys, seriously, best cookie I have EVER had. Then again I LOVE red velvet, it's my favorite! But when these cookies are warm, it is beyond amazing. I think these came from God directly, because these are heavenly! http://whipperberry.com/2011/03/recipe-red-velvet-cookie-with-white-chocolate-chunks.html

recipe:

Red Velvet Cookies with White Chocolate Chunks

• 1 box of Red Velvet Cake Mix
• 1 cup of All-Purpose Flour
• 2 sticks of softened butter
• 1 egg
• 2 cups of White Chocolate Chunks

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a mixing bowl, add butter and mix until soft and fluffy.  Slowly add cake mix and flour. Once combined, add egg and mix completely.  Add white chocolate chunks, and mix for a minute or so until well combined.  Form dough into one inch balls, and place into the oven for 8-10 minutes. {Yields about 24 small cookies.} 

NOM NOM NOM!

Seriously you must make! And yesterday I found red velvet everything on Pinterest.. this could be bad! I must have them ALL! Last night I made quinoa burgers! They weren't too bad at all. Hubs was a little hesitant at a no meat meal, but he was pleasantly surprised! I also took the cumin out and used chili powder because I had no cumin! But the more flavor the better they taste! 

recipe: 

1 cup uncooked quinoa

2 cups water

1/2 teaspoon salt

To cook quinoa:

In a medium saucepan bring the 2 cups water and 1/2 teaspoon salt to a boil over high heat.  Add quinoa and reduce heat to low.  Cover and cook for 18-20 minutes, or until all water is absorbed and the seeds are tender.  Allow to cool for a few minutes.

3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese (or other variety, if you prefer)

1/2 cup low-fat cottage cheese

1 medium carrot, finely grated (OR 1 cup shredded zucchini, squeezed)

3 eggs

3 tablespoons all purpose flour

2 green onions, including white parts

1 /2 teaspoon Splenda or sugar

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

1/8 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon garlic powder

Olive oil for frying

.

In a large bowl combine the cooked quinoa, cheddar cheese, cottage cheese, carrot, eggs, flour, green onions, Splenda, pepper, cumin, salt, and garlic powder.

Heat a frying pan and a couple teaspoons olive oil over medium-low heat.  Measure 1/4 cup and form into patties about 1/2 inch thick  - mixture will be slightly sticky.  Fry until golden-brown, about 4 minutes on each side.   Makes approx. 10 burgers.

Per burger:  Calories 132; Protein 8 g; Fat 5 g; NET Carbs 12 g; (Fiber 2 g); Sugar 0 g; Sodium 200 mg 

http://eatingwelllivingthin.wordpress.com/2010/11/01/love-my-quinoa-burger/

In conclusion, sometimes you just need a break. And hey it's OK to do this! You do whatever is best for you and don't worry about what other people think or say! We are humans, no one is perfect! It also helps when you have delicious red velvet cookies by your side! I guess this is enough for one post! Bad part of not posting for a week, there's lots to say!! 

I leave you with a cute picture of Dyson!