Yes.. I am alive!!!

I received a very sweet email from another blogger Suzanne (her blog link) today, and it has come to my attention that someone actually misses my blog! I am shocked at this, didn't think anyone noticed I hadn't blogged for awhile! I know it has been quite awhile and I would apologize, but I don't feel that I need to. I don't want to have excuses for while I haven't blogged, but simply put my heart hasn't been in it to blog. I have been going through quite a lot these past few months and as much as I would have loved to share them with you all, I really needed to deal with things on my own. It may have very well been one of the most difficult times I have been through as an adult. I may talk about them in the future, but for ow I shall keep them to myself.

I also have been SUPER busy. Man this summer has been crazy thus far! At the end of May we went on our honeymoon cruise! That will be a whole blog in itself! Then the crazyness began. We got back on  Sunday and I left 4 days later to go to Indiana to be in one of my best friend Jessica's wedding. The weekend after was a bachelorette party for another best friend Beth. The weekend after was Beth's wedding. The weekend after was another best friend Rachel's wedding shower, a housewarming party, and bonfire. The next week I actually was off and home! But ended up catching up with lots of friends! The weekend after I went up to Mackinaw City for 5 days with Rachel. The weekend after I was in Traverse City with my family. Then last weekend I was in Chicago for Rachel's bachelorette party. And this weekend I will be in Cincinatti for Women of Faith! So excited for that! And next weekend is Rachel's wedding! So as you can see my summer has been insanely crazy! And next friday (10th) is my dun dun dun 25th birthday! I may need a whole post just dedicated to that! Phew I am tired just typing that all out! So I have lots of pictures and posts on my list! 

On another note, I was concerned because I was working out so much and I wasn't losing weight. I knew I wasn't pregnant and I was starting to freak out and get really pissed and unmotivated to work out because of this. So I went to the Dr. and found out I had a low thyroid. And this was why I was gaining so much weight! So part of me was glad to know the problem, but part of me was also upset that it was going to take a few more months to straighten out before I could even lose weight! It was a very frustrating thing for me, but I knew it could be a lot worse. So my thyroid is all straightened out now, and then I got bronchitis for 5 weeks. So needless to say I have not seen the gym in ages and my weight has been highly affected by this. But this week I have been back to normal and we started working on our diets again and working out. So hopefully some weight will start peeling off finally! 

So this is my quick update of things that have been going on! I have some exciting news but I can't talk about it yet!! So stay tuned and I will try to blog more regularly now that I am around more! I miss all of you and hope to hear from you as well! Let me know how you are doing!! Anything happen since I have been gone?? 

Also the olympics are taking up my other free time, so if anything just blame that! ;) GO USA!!! 

Are you a negative nancy?

I heard this quote on Bethanny Ever After last night (one of my fav shows) and it really struck a chord with me.

"The true test of character isn't how you are on your best days, it's how you are on your worst days or when things don't go right."

this really hit home with me with everything that has been going on over the past few months. You know the saying "things will get worse before they get better?" Well I believe that is quite true and I have been living and breathing that phrase recently. And with my therapy, I am learning just how to deal with things when they do go wrong, or on my bad days. And when I heard this quote I just started thinking about how I was at the beginning of therapy, and where I am now when it comes to my thinking and how I have responded to these difficult times. And I can say I have improved a lot, nowhere near what I would like to be, but I can see a difference in my thinking now and I think how we act in hard times and when things don't go our way is quite a huge test.

We can either let it get to us and wallow in our pity and sadness, or find the positive things in a negative moment. Which is what I am learning to do with myself, not just a bad moment. Like for example, trying on clothes which can be torture. Instead of getting so upset and finding everything negative I can about myself or the outfit, I am now learning to find the positive, like well the fit isn't right, but I love this color on me. This outfit does not fit my unique body shape and I just have to find something that compliments it. My body is not a bad thing or against me. But instead of letting it get to me, I am learning to think positive toward any situation.

Another example would be your plans getting canceled. I am an avid fan of hating when this happens and letting it ruin my day and sulking along with the nobody wants to hang out with me thought process. I am so notorious for that. Now I am working on the thought, well it got canceled so now I have this free time and there is a reason I am not going so I will enjoy something else and not be upset over this and find the positive in it.

Trust me this thought process is SO very difficult and I literally have to think about every step and second of my day now, but being aware of things is so helpful and being aware of my actions and my reactions. I am so much better at analyzing situations vs over reacting or assuming things. And I am getting so much better at bringing situations to God and expressing my worry, concern, or asking help in discerning things and having brought to light what I should see and take away from things.

My therapist has told me at the end of the day to reflect on my entire day and every emotion I experienced and why I felt that way without judging myself. Just bring awareness to myself of how I am thinking through out the day. She said I would be surprised at how negative my thinking was, and boy was I. I really can not believe how much I let myself be consumed by negative thoughts. And when you have such negative thoughts, you acquire a negative attitude which affects everyyyyything.

Proverbs 23:7 says "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." I didn't realize how much of a negative world I had created for myself until this process. And it is a daily struggle to fight with those negative thoughts. Some days, I lose. But the important thing is, now I am catching myself doing this and recognizing it so I can work to make it better. I am starting to notice my negative thoughts, and when I say negative things. And it is so freeing to be able to recognize this and be able to work on changing it which will help change my every day life and attitude.

It also helps me see more beauty in God's creations. Instead of being mad it's raining, look at how beautiful the rain is and sounds. How that rain is bringing water to animals and plants to help them grow. The rainbow that may follow that rain. It's as easy as that to switch your mind set and when you do, you begin to see beauty in things a lot more easily.

I have decided to enlist some help with working on changing this negativity. So I am asking all my friends, family, fellow bloggers to help me. If you see/hear me being negative, I ask you to bring it to my attention. Sometimes I don't realize I am doing it, and I want to become more aware of when I am doing it so I can correct it. And other people notice it a lot more quickly then I would! So please be kind when bringing it up, but please help me as well!

I also heard about a book where this lady writes down something daily that she is thankful for. Not your I am thankful for today amen type deal. But really looking hard into her day and looking for the beauty in things and being specific for what she is thankful for. For example-the way the sun sparkles on the water moving in the pond. Opening your eyes up to what's around you and it will make you start looking for that beauty! So I have decided I am going to do this every day as well in my own world. It is nice to read about them, but that doesn't really challenge me to find things on my own. So I will write them down, and put some in my blog when I do blog as well!

Your turn- Now I ask you this difficult question-how negative are you? Do you even realize when you are being negative? I challenge you to push yourself in this area. Survey your day at the end of it and write down all your emotions you experienced that day and why. See where your mind leads. Does it tend to go negative or does it tend to go positive? Maybe half and half? I challenge you to be real with yourself and push yourself to change your thoughts to a more positive light. Maybe you don't think it will affect anything in your life if you do that. Then how about this, every day for the next 2-3 weeks work on this and see if things change by being more positive in EVERY aspect of your life. You don't have to report back to me, this is your deal! But if you do decide to try it and want to share your thoughts or how you are doing, I am always happy to hear from you! And if you don't share and this helps you, then I am so glad you challenged yourself! It takes a lot to look at yourself and recognize things that you may need to work on, but when you do it makes a world of difference! And this is something other people will notice and can greatly change your every day life!

I challenge you to grow and want to make yourself better and make your life more positive! Good luck!

Where is your heart in your blog?

Hey all. I know it's been about a week since my last blog, and I would like to apologize but in thinking about it, I really don't know why I should. The purpose of this blog was for myself. I am not getting paid to write this, or have thousands of followers who rely on reading my blog every day as a source of entertainment. Which is all fine and dandy for those who enjoy to use their blogs however they please. But my blog is not to serve anyone else's purposes. It is for mine only and if along the way people enjoy, are moved, get inspired, and learn something new from my blog than that is a bonus. I am not writing for anyone else and I think a lot of times I feel guilty when I don't blog daily or at least a few times a week. And really, I think that's just silly, why should I feel guilty for something I want to do for myself? It's like feeling guilty for not writing in your diary/journal.

The blog world is quite a different world than every day life, but like all things, there are pressures that come with it. And it is hard to not fall into those traps. To not want to make your blog bigger and better every day. To not want 1000+ followers or get 30+ comments daily. To not want to have the best page and all the accessories to go with it. It is strange how we can have blog envy and how we can start comparing our blogs to others like our blogs are us. If my blog doesn't look like this it's not pretty enough so therefore I am not good enough, etc. If I don't have enough followers, no one must like me or want to read my blog more than once. If I am not an ambassador or guest poster or something along those lines than my blog isn't good enough. If I don't have give aways or link ups to weekly blog themes other bloggers must not want to be associated with my blog. It is so easy to think these things and let them suck you in.

I find it funny how we can take our worldly perceptions and habits and throw them into a different world and conform them to that world to make them work just the same. And if you are not a blogger, these woes would not apply to you nor would you understand what I mean. But in taking this break for a week and thinking about things, and going to therapy to deal with my past rape (read about it here), my mind has been opening a lot. I am able to view things differently and recognize patterns in certain behaviors and I am learning how to look past them and view with a new light. To view myself as an I, not an it or a comparison towards others constantly. I am learning I am an individual and when I do things, regardless of what they are, they should be for myself. Not as in I am going to be completely selfish and forget everyone. But I am not going to hold my standards for others to make them for me. And I think that takes courage and gumption and confidence to do. And it's a process we all go through and come to at some point.

I am not better than anyone else and have struggled with this for so long. So if I don't blog every day or read other's people's blogs and comment, I am no longer going to feel guilty about it. This is not my job although it has a tendency to feel like a part time job, and I don't owe it my time. And therefore I will not apologize if I don't write daily or comment daily. And I challenge other blog writers to really look deep into why they started blogging. Did you do it just to get a fan base? Do you really want to share your love of fashion or cooking? Was your goal to share your life with your family so they could see how life was treating you? Or were you like me and did this for yourself? No matter how you started this blog, the question now is, are you still following that?

Or do you find yourself writing just for others to read and to keep them coming back? I challenge you to be true to yourself, and your blogging self and re evaluate your blog and see if you are writing for your initial reasoning you began the blog. Maybe you have strayed so far you have forgotten why you started this in the first place. Don't conform the real world into blog world like so many tend to do. Be unique, be different, be you. Don't let your blog be a popularity contest, it's not. Let us see the real you, the beautiful you, the smart you, the funny you, the happy and sad you, the hard working and sometimes lazy you, the creative you, and the you that gave you the courage to start blogging. You deserve to love yourself and this blog without all the pressures that come with it. To know that even if 1 or 0 people read your blog, you are still happy with it.

So bloggers, I ask you honestly, is your blog true to you? Or has it become something lost in the blog world conformed with real world standards? Where is your heart in your blog?

Fashion & Food

So I was going to blog yesterday but life had other plans. I worked 12.5 hrs beginning at 6:30 am, and sometimes your brain just isn't awake that early to blog. I was also dealing with my allergicness to the world and my allergies were beating me to a pulp. And to top it off, Layla decided the only nap she needed was the 15 min nap in the stroller. SO needless to say I had a long day and when I got home, I ate some dinner, took a nice bath, and popped 2 benedryl and peaced out! Sometimes that's just how life goes!

Anyways, so I found some great steals at TJ Maxx Tuesday night! I have always wanted a pair of wedges but since I am almost 5''7' 1/2, I would become a super giant in wedges. So I gave up looking at them years ago. BUT I found short wedges! Anddd they were hot pink with a bow.. it was like they were made for me! I will be wearing these out!

TJ Maxx- $30

I also found a cute blue sundress as well!

TJ Maxx- $17

Next I give you a quick easy crockpot recipe I found on Pinterest! There are only 3 ingredients and super easy to make!

Crockpot Buffalo Chicken

Ingredients:

3 lb chicken-either frozen or fresh

1 packet ranch

1 bottle Franks Red Hot Buffalo Style

Prepare:

To make- put your chicken into crockpot. Add 3/4 or entire ranch packet (I love ranch so I add it all!) If you like heat add entire bottle of Franks, if you don't add 3/4 and then you can always add more later to add extra heat. It was just perfect for me! Antonio added more on his after! But he could eat fire, so not surprised. 

Cook low 6-7 or high 3-4

After it's cooked, take a fork and shred the chicken. If it doesn't shred easily, then it is not cooked enough.

You can eat this multiple ways. We put them on a whole wheat hamburger bun, and added cheddar cheese on top! If I had ranch I probably would have put more on! I also made it into a dip yesterday and re-heated it and added some shredded cheddar cheese on top, then used tortilla chips to dip it in. You could also turn it into buffalo style nachos. So really you could be creative and do lots of things with this! It heats up well as leftovers too! The recipe I found used butter after it was cooked but I decided not to. So if you want to add butter it's 2 TBSP. We had au gratin potatoes and cantaloupe with it! 

I showed this a LONG time ago but this tool is so awesome for cutting cantaloupe and watermelon. We got it at Macy's for our wedding registry. 

GET ME!

This thing is awesome!! It cuts through the thick rind so easily and the edge scoops the seeds out! Tomorrow I have a Tortilla soup recipe adjusted to my liking for you! Just remember if you cook, you don't always have to follow the recipe exactly, don't be afraid to add things, omit things, or be creative! That's the fun in cooking!

Your turn-

Any stores you like that has good deals like TJ Maxx?

Ever seen the canteloupe slicer before?

Any good buffalo style anything recipes to share?

Happy Thursday all, it's almost Friday!!

p.s. proof of my tan lines.. well red lines!

Who knew you would need suntan lotion in March?!

Tan lines in March? Get outta here!

Yes, it's true. Yesterday while taking Layla to the park, I got tan lines! This is crazyness for march!! But I love it! Sadly, I think our warm streak is going to actually go back to spring weather. The weather this weekend is going back into the 60s. Boo. I knew we were going to get spoiled and then it would go back to normal spring weather. Which is still better than snow and 30s.  It's better to be thankful for this jolt of summer, getting us out of winter mind funk than nothing! It just gets me more excited for our honeymoon cruise in a few months. Speaking of that, I found some suits online for sale through victoria's secret and jumped on that!

Victoria's Secret: Top- $24 Bottoms- $18

It is much cuter in person and has a lot of rhinestones! If you go to the site- Swimsuit #1, you can zoom in to see it better. I liked it besides the sale, because when you are tan those colors accent awesome! And it's tropically with all the little palm trees on it, and of course rhinestones=happy Lyndsey! Maybe I should take a picture like her when I get to the beach? Ya I don't think so!

Second suit from same place

Victoria's Secret: Top- $20 Bottom- $19

Well I love this suit because 1. white and pink are 2 of my fav colors 2. It's sparkly! 3. It comes in 2 other colors, blue & teal as well. Get it here-Swimsuit #2. It is really cute in person as well!

The website has a LOT of good stuff on sale! I wanted to buy a ton of suits, but only 2 was alotted by the hubs on sale. I also have a blue one I purchased from Target a few weeks ago. It's this incase you forgot-

It has little beads in the flowers. You can purchase here-Swimsuit #3. I still have to try on my suits from VS, but they are the same style I go for, so I think they will fit fine. I find for my body style, aka no boobs, triangle tops work best to help make it look like I have something. They have to be ties, none of the bra top styles. Bandeau tops are a joke on me, they don't stay up! And for bottoms I always have to have a large because mediums do not cover everything! And the string tie sides work best because it doesn't squish and shove all the fat everywhere! I can tie it as tight or loose as I want so it doesn't squish anything. 

There are a lot of suits I would love and wish to wear, but I am learning with my body type to accept what I can and can not wear. And that even if it's minimal padding, to accept this is my size and it's natural. Contrary to belief, men are drawn to a natural woman over implants. No dis to any who have them, if I could afford them, I probably would have them too. But alas I can not and I need to be happy with what I have. My husband is happy with them and he should be the only one who matters. Body image is always a tough struggle, but God made us to be a certain way and if he can love me like this, then I need to learn to love me too. No matter how big or small I am! At least I don't have problems not fitting in to tops because they are too large! I am thankful for that!

Enjoy your tuesday!

Your turn-

-anyone else getting tan lines in march this year?

-any cute swimsuit steals you have found for others to find?

-do you have a certain suit that fits your shape best?

-how do you feel about your boobs? honest.