Only in Yoga

If you take Yoga, then you may enjoy this post. If you don't then you may not understand this post! Here are a few things said, heard, & thought during a Yoga class from beginning to end. I feel like you are ALL over the place in a yoga class with your thoughts!

pinterest

-"Let your troubles melt into the floor"-if only it were that easy lady! Come on now.
-"Don't think about your bad day or hitting every red light on the way here"-uhm now I am thinking about it, thanks, this is relaxing
-"Focus on your breathing"-if I focus too much I will hold my breath to try and focus.
-" Just relax" (when you are upside down with your head between your legs)-rightttt, easier if I couldn't touch my nose to my ankle!
-Did she say downward dog again? Downward dog seems to be on repeat in her vocabulary.
-Why did I eat that apple? Please don't pass gas, pleaseee don't, OH I hope no one heard that!
-That lady must have had more then an apple. Don't laugh Don't laugh.
-Is that a man in here? An OLD man? Say what?! But really, why is his shirt off? And why does he think spandex shorts is a good idea?
-Why are there so many mirrors!? How's a girl supposed to fix a wedgie in here? Maybe when they close their eyes or look left, I will use my right hand to fix it! Genius!
-"Reach to the ceiling with those fingertips!" ok Lady I get it, point up, I can't touch the ceiling so stop telling me to.
-"Warrior pose"-If this is how a warrior came at me, I wouldn't be scared, just sayin, I might laugh actually.
-Advance people show offs.. just wait, one day I will be able to fold like a pretzel and touch my toes to the back of my head.. ya who am I kidding. Teacher's pets. Can't they have their own class?
-(While doing pose) "This pose is one of the most dangerous poses in Yoga-DON'T LOOK LEFT OR RIGHT?! If you do this wrong you can burst all the blood vessels in your head!" JEEZE LADY! I thought this was supposed to be relaxing! If I don't have a heart attack first, I may kill myself doing this whacko pose. I am going to die in yoga, that's it. I will be on 10 o clock news. How do I get out of this pose now?
-What the heck! Seriously. How is that 72 year old lady doing that pose better than me! That's not right!
-"Find your center." What the frig is she talking about? I have yet to find my chi let alone my center, she needs to explain these things.
-Who thought of these names for these poses? Seriously dead bug, I look like an idiot rolling all over ground holding my legs up. I look like I am drying to deliver a baby upside down.
-"Sink into the ground deeper." Uhm newsflash, I can't go anywhere further then the floor and this mat, how can I sink deeper?
-If I hear downward dog ONE more time, I swear.
-Is this torture over yet?
-Oh, I get to lay down during a workout and relax? YES!
-2 minutes later right as you are about to pass out-"Time to go." WAIT NOOOO! That was my favorite part!
-Man that was so hard! Why did I sign myself up for this? That should be how they torture prisoners. I am never going back!

Next Day
-"Welcome to Yoga everyone." -Drat, I knew I would be back. Let the torture begin!

Namaste.