Where is your heart in your blog?

Hey all. I know it's been about a week since my last blog, and I would like to apologize but in thinking about it, I really don't know why I should. The purpose of this blog was for myself. I am not getting paid to write this, or have thousands of followers who rely on reading my blog every day as a source of entertainment. Which is all fine and dandy for those who enjoy to use their blogs however they please. But my blog is not to serve anyone else's purposes. It is for mine only and if along the way people enjoy, are moved, get inspired, and learn something new from my blog than that is a bonus. I am not writing for anyone else and I think a lot of times I feel guilty when I don't blog daily or at least a few times a week. And really, I think that's just silly, why should I feel guilty for something I want to do for myself? It's like feeling guilty for not writing in your diary/journal.

The blog world is quite a different world than every day life, but like all things, there are pressures that come with it. And it is hard to not fall into those traps. To not want to make your blog bigger and better every day. To not want 1000+ followers or get 30+ comments daily. To not want to have the best page and all the accessories to go with it. It is strange how we can have blog envy and how we can start comparing our blogs to others like our blogs are us. If my blog doesn't look like this it's not pretty enough so therefore I am not good enough, etc. If I don't have enough followers, no one must like me or want to read my blog more than once. If I am not an ambassador or guest poster or something along those lines than my blog isn't good enough. If I don't have give aways or link ups to weekly blog themes other bloggers must not want to be associated with my blog. It is so easy to think these things and let them suck you in.

I find it funny how we can take our worldly perceptions and habits and throw them into a different world and conform them to that world to make them work just the same. And if you are not a blogger, these woes would not apply to you nor would you understand what I mean. But in taking this break for a week and thinking about things, and going to therapy to deal with my past rape (read about it here), my mind has been opening a lot. I am able to view things differently and recognize patterns in certain behaviors and I am learning how to look past them and view with a new light. To view myself as an I, not an it or a comparison towards others constantly. I am learning I am an individual and when I do things, regardless of what they are, they should be for myself. Not as in I am going to be completely selfish and forget everyone. But I am not going to hold my standards for others to make them for me. And I think that takes courage and gumption and confidence to do. And it's a process we all go through and come to at some point.

I am not better than anyone else and have struggled with this for so long. So if I don't blog every day or read other's people's blogs and comment, I am no longer going to feel guilty about it. This is not my job although it has a tendency to feel like a part time job, and I don't owe it my time. And therefore I will not apologize if I don't write daily or comment daily. And I challenge other blog writers to really look deep into why they started blogging. Did you do it just to get a fan base? Do you really want to share your love of fashion or cooking? Was your goal to share your life with your family so they could see how life was treating you? Or were you like me and did this for yourself? No matter how you started this blog, the question now is, are you still following that?

Or do you find yourself writing just for others to read and to keep them coming back? I challenge you to be true to yourself, and your blogging self and re evaluate your blog and see if you are writing for your initial reasoning you began the blog. Maybe you have strayed so far you have forgotten why you started this in the first place. Don't conform the real world into blog world like so many tend to do. Be unique, be different, be you. Don't let your blog be a popularity contest, it's not. Let us see the real you, the beautiful you, the smart you, the funny you, the happy and sad you, the hard working and sometimes lazy you, the creative you, and the you that gave you the courage to start blogging. You deserve to love yourself and this blog without all the pressures that come with it. To know that even if 1 or 0 people read your blog, you are still happy with it.

So bloggers, I ask you honestly, is your blog true to you? Or has it become something lost in the blog world conformed with real world standards? Where is your heart in your blog?

Fashion & Food

So I was going to blog yesterday but life had other plans. I worked 12.5 hrs beginning at 6:30 am, and sometimes your brain just isn't awake that early to blog. I was also dealing with my allergicness to the world and my allergies were beating me to a pulp. And to top it off, Layla decided the only nap she needed was the 15 min nap in the stroller. SO needless to say I had a long day and when I got home, I ate some dinner, took a nice bath, and popped 2 benedryl and peaced out! Sometimes that's just how life goes!

Anyways, so I found some great steals at TJ Maxx Tuesday night! I have always wanted a pair of wedges but since I am almost 5''7' 1/2, I would become a super giant in wedges. So I gave up looking at them years ago. BUT I found short wedges! Anddd they were hot pink with a bow.. it was like they were made for me! I will be wearing these out!

TJ Maxx- $30

I also found a cute blue sundress as well!

TJ Maxx- $17

Next I give you a quick easy crockpot recipe I found on Pinterest! There are only 3 ingredients and super easy to make!

Crockpot Buffalo Chicken

Ingredients:

3 lb chicken-either frozen or fresh

1 packet ranch

1 bottle Franks Red Hot Buffalo Style

Prepare:

To make- put your chicken into crockpot. Add 3/4 or entire ranch packet (I love ranch so I add it all!) If you like heat add entire bottle of Franks, if you don't add 3/4 and then you can always add more later to add extra heat. It was just perfect for me! Antonio added more on his after! But he could eat fire, so not surprised. 

Cook low 6-7 or high 3-4

After it's cooked, take a fork and shred the chicken. If it doesn't shred easily, then it is not cooked enough.

You can eat this multiple ways. We put them on a whole wheat hamburger bun, and added cheddar cheese on top! If I had ranch I probably would have put more on! I also made it into a dip yesterday and re-heated it and added some shredded cheddar cheese on top, then used tortilla chips to dip it in. You could also turn it into buffalo style nachos. So really you could be creative and do lots of things with this! It heats up well as leftovers too! The recipe I found used butter after it was cooked but I decided not to. So if you want to add butter it's 2 TBSP. We had au gratin potatoes and cantaloupe with it! 

I showed this a LONG time ago but this tool is so awesome for cutting cantaloupe and watermelon. We got it at Macy's for our wedding registry. 

GET ME!

This thing is awesome!! It cuts through the thick rind so easily and the edge scoops the seeds out! Tomorrow I have a Tortilla soup recipe adjusted to my liking for you! Just remember if you cook, you don't always have to follow the recipe exactly, don't be afraid to add things, omit things, or be creative! That's the fun in cooking!

Your turn-

Any stores you like that has good deals like TJ Maxx?

Ever seen the canteloupe slicer before?

Any good buffalo style anything recipes to share?

Happy Thursday all, it's almost Friday!!

p.s. proof of my tan lines.. well red lines!

Who knew you would need suntan lotion in March?!

Tan lines in March? Get outta here!

Yes, it's true. Yesterday while taking Layla to the park, I got tan lines! This is crazyness for march!! But I love it! Sadly, I think our warm streak is going to actually go back to spring weather. The weather this weekend is going back into the 60s. Boo. I knew we were going to get spoiled and then it would go back to normal spring weather. Which is still better than snow and 30s.  It's better to be thankful for this jolt of summer, getting us out of winter mind funk than nothing! It just gets me more excited for our honeymoon cruise in a few months. Speaking of that, I found some suits online for sale through victoria's secret and jumped on that!

Victoria's Secret: Top- $24 Bottoms- $18

It is much cuter in person and has a lot of rhinestones! If you go to the site- Swimsuit #1, you can zoom in to see it better. I liked it besides the sale, because when you are tan those colors accent awesome! And it's tropically with all the little palm trees on it, and of course rhinestones=happy Lyndsey! Maybe I should take a picture like her when I get to the beach? Ya I don't think so!

Second suit from same place

Victoria's Secret: Top- $20 Bottom- $19

Well I love this suit because 1. white and pink are 2 of my fav colors 2. It's sparkly! 3. It comes in 2 other colors, blue & teal as well. Get it here-Swimsuit #2. It is really cute in person as well!

The website has a LOT of good stuff on sale! I wanted to buy a ton of suits, but only 2 was alotted by the hubs on sale. I also have a blue one I purchased from Target a few weeks ago. It's this incase you forgot-

It has little beads in the flowers. You can purchase here-Swimsuit #3. I still have to try on my suits from VS, but they are the same style I go for, so I think they will fit fine. I find for my body style, aka no boobs, triangle tops work best to help make it look like I have something. They have to be ties, none of the bra top styles. Bandeau tops are a joke on me, they don't stay up! And for bottoms I always have to have a large because mediums do not cover everything! And the string tie sides work best because it doesn't squish and shove all the fat everywhere! I can tie it as tight or loose as I want so it doesn't squish anything. 

There are a lot of suits I would love and wish to wear, but I am learning with my body type to accept what I can and can not wear. And that even if it's minimal padding, to accept this is my size and it's natural. Contrary to belief, men are drawn to a natural woman over implants. No dis to any who have them, if I could afford them, I probably would have them too. But alas I can not and I need to be happy with what I have. My husband is happy with them and he should be the only one who matters. Body image is always a tough struggle, but God made us to be a certain way and if he can love me like this, then I need to learn to love me too. No matter how big or small I am! At least I don't have problems not fitting in to tops because they are too large! I am thankful for that!

Enjoy your tuesday!

Your turn-

-anyone else getting tan lines in march this year?

-any cute swimsuit steals you have found for others to find?

-do you have a certain suit that fits your shape best?

-how do you feel about your boobs? honest.

Tornadoes, Cupcakes, & 6 Monthaversary, Oh My!

So Thursday at the end of work, we had some storms roll in. I was peacefully reading my book while Layla was napping when my mom called to tell me there had been a tornado about 25 min north of where I was. It wasn't even raining here yet. I turned on the news and they had the tornado watch on. I called Antonio to tell him what was going on since he was off and at home. Then all of a sudden the loudest crack of lightning/thunder I have ever heard in my life hit right above the house. Antonio could see it out our window (I live about 7-9 minutes from work) and said it looked like an explosion above us. He heard it through the phone, then heard it about 6 seconds later. It sounded like someone shot a gun off in my ear, I have never heard something so loud from nature. It freaked me out and of course woke Layla up and freaked her out. About 5 min later, her mom got home and told me to leave now before the storm hits.

So I made it home and about 15 minutes later there were reports of funnel clouds about 10 minutes away from us with possibility to touch down. Then this came on the screen-

Always what you want to see!

So the rain started really picking up with the window and we were just about to go to stand in the tub, this is the only safe place in our apartment with no windows. When I looked out the window and it started hailing. Which freaked me out quite a bit. Hail is a huge sign for a tornado coming. 

Snow? No! Hail.

They came up to the door, I didn't go stand outside collecting them!

So after it started hailing we proceeded to stand in the tub as the sirens went off outside, praying no tornado's touch down!

this was his "terrified" face. He looks scared doesn't he? not.

So luckily the storm got to us then turned south. No tornado's here, but still shocked to have a tornado in MI during March. It hit Dexter. There was quite a bit of damage done and they will be cleaning up for awhile. Thankful no one was killed though!

Friday night we had date night and of course the topic was sex. Talk about awkward having to talk about that with your parents in the room. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but it wasn't too bad, thankfully. We went out to dinner with Buddy Shuh and his wife after at Sidetracks. Pretty tasty!

Saturday I did my normal crazy schedule at the gym and arrived at 8 am for 8:15 bodyflow. Then Spinning after, took a break got a protein shake and sat outside till RPM spinning. I was worn out later on needless to say. Then I had an afternoon date with my Meggers. We went and saw Wanderlust. It was alright. I thought it was going to be a lot funnier, but it had a unique sense of humor to it. I would recommend just waiting for dvd. We then had to go get cupcakes of course!

Doing what we do best, take pics and eat cupcakes!

Nom nom nom

After I had to run home to change and get ready to go celebrate our 6 monthaversary of marriage! Antonio's mom had gotten us a gift card for a restaurant called Andiamo's and 2 movie passes. So we opted to see 21 Jump Street after. That was much better than Wanderlust! It was pretty hilarious, a bit of language though to warn you. So here are some pics from our Andiamos adventure.

our free appetizer for it being our first time there

the fireplace that would be turned on normally this time of year!

Basically a kit kat covered in chocolate mousse and chocolate ganache, then lit on fire.

hubs

Me!

And on Sunday my throat was hurting and I was super tired. So I pretty much sat in bed, napped, and watched TV. Throats still hurting today but I am trying to fight through and not let it keep me down. Hope you had a good weekend!

Your turn-

-Have you seen either movie? Comments.

-Have you ever been near a Tornado/seen one?

-How was your weekend?

Swings & Personal Bests!

Happy Thursday all! Thanks for all the supportive comments yesterday. They really help push me to be stronger! :) And I had a wonderful day yesterday so that really helped!

My mom had the day off of work so she called me up tuesday night and asked if I wanted to have a picnic in the park with her, Dyson, and Layla. I of course have no objection to this. So we grabbed some panera before heading off to the park. It got up to 75 yesterday! So beautiful. So here are a few pics of our park afternoon. And this first one was my trying to be creative before we left. Key word trying!

yay or nay?

Layla and Dyson together were too cute

Can you find the swan?

swings are always a given, or as Layla calls them-wee wee!

who doesn't love swings?

time to drive!

she was trying to give Dyson kisses

she wanted to give the pole a hug

and one last one before we left!

I wanted to go back to the park after work and try to run over 4 miles. I wanted to see if I could do it and if I would be able to, then I would run the 10k next month. If I couldn't then I was just going to x-nay the 10k. I was super exhausted from being up half the night and I was fighting to talk myself out of it. So I naturally did what anyone would do. Started doing yoga. I know, what is happening to me right? I actually am remembering this stuff! I did about 15 minutes and it actually felt good and my legs felt a little less sore from spin the previous 2 days. And it gave me some energy, so I set off to the park after work. It helped it was so beautiful out.

I got the park and it was crazy crowded which I expected. But I think having a place to go that has trails and it's 4 miles around, helps make me want to run outside. I actually liked it. Which I NEVER thought I would say I like running outside more than the mill! But now I hate the mill! Plus I am not constantly looking behind me for cars. There are no sidewalks in our neighborhood so I have to run in the street which freaks me out. But I almost got ran over a few times from bikes!

So I set off and I was doing good, had to slow my roll to get a good pace. I got to 1.64 miles and whabam my watch dies. I was so infuriated and was about to just call it quits, but I had to turn around to get back to my car and knew it was 1.64 miles to get back. Then a light bulb went off. I tried to calculate it to run back 1.36 do get the whole 3 miles. Then I would do the route a second time and try to turn around at 1.5 miles so then coming back would equal 3. Then I would have 6 miles. I have never run more then 4, so I knew if I made it back to 3 and turned around and had to force myself to be far away, I would have to finish the 6 miles even if I walked back. 

I looked at my watch time and then used the stopwatch on my ipod and added the time from my watch the end. I had no idea what pace I was going, but just tried to run what felt good to me. I was using the run walk run method and would run 3, walk 1, run 3, etc. Those little one min breaks helped get my breathing back down and give me a break to recoup and push myself forward. Funny enough the time it took for me to add up the mileage and figure that all out distracted me quite a bit. I forgot to stop running for my 1 min break. So thinking about math while running is a good distraction apparently! I got to 4.5 miles and knew this was it. Can I finish this without quitting and being forced to walk? I could feel a blister forming and was trying hard to ignore it. My legs were also starting to hurt. I got to mile 5 and about puked since I had never gone so far or ran that long. I got to 5.5 and knew I was almost there and after a walk break, I decided to push for the home stretch. When I saw my car I almost teared up because I was so proud of myself.

So my distance may not be exactly accurate but in the end I DID IT! I finished those 6 miles with a smile on my face. I needed that victory so badly! I was on top of the world until I stopped running and the pain set in and I wanted to die. My body hurt so bad. I timed in at 1:09:50. I will take it! Even though I know it probably isn't accurate either for 6 miles. Oh well. I was just ecstatic I got a personal best for distance!

I can not believe how much spinning has helped my breathing, my cardio, and my endurance. A month ago I would have never been able to run that before I started spin class. My pace was better for 6 miles than it was when I ran 4 miles a month ago! I couldn't believe it! So this just shows everyone, if you really put your mind to it, you really can excel and improve in things you aren't good at. I am not a runner, still not one. But I know if I really push myself and try, I can succeed! But I am good with 6 miles for now!

This was the casualty of running 6 miles though-

poor foot! :(

Good thing it's a rest day and I can wear flip flops! Have a good day all!

Your turn

-what was your favorite thing at the park growing up?

-ever beat a goal in the fitness world you never thought you would? how did you feel?