Cupcake bookmarks? Yes please!

Happy Wednesday all! So today I showed up to work an hour early. Oops! I guess it's better than an hour late right? So I decided to head over to the Barnes and Noble down the street and get some books I have been wanting to grab. So this is what resulted in my Barnes & Noble quest.

Good shopping trip!

Let's go from left to right:

Red Velvet Cupcake

I felt like I have been busting my butt at the gym these past few weeks and I deserved my fav cupcake-red velvet.Is it weird that I like my cupcakes cold? I don't like when it's so soft it falls apart everywhere. Plus I like cold frosting. I'm a weirdo I know.

Sticky notes for the books

Cupcake magnetic bookmarks

Aren't these the cutest things ever???!! I love them!

This book is about gaining control over your mind and recognizing dangerous thoughts/patterns with the help of God.

This book is 365 devotionals for loving God, loving Yourself, and loving others.

This book is about learning how to live as a fully alive and feminine woman who is truly captivating. And to let Jesus be your Hero of your story and rescue you.

I also downloaded this book on my phone called Jesus Calling.

This book is about a missionary named Sarah who wrote in her journal for years, she decided to just write in her journal whatever she felt God was telling her. They are written from Jesus' point of view, not Sarah's. She turned her journal into a book of daily devotionals for a year. 

I would like to share today's devotional from this book because it really hits home with what I am going through right now and I found it perfect for me! They are very short and easy to read!

Let me help you through this day. The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone. You are keenly aware of your helplessness in the scheme of events you face. This awareness opens up a choice: to doggedly go it alone or to walk with Me in humble steps of dependence. Actually, this choice is continually before you, but difficulties highlight the decision-making process.

So, consider it all joy whenever you are enveloped in various trials. These are gifts from Me, reminding you to rely on Me alone. 

Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. -Psalm 63:7-8

Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. -James 1:2-3

I hope you are all having a wonderful day and stopping to enjoy God's beauty. 

Your turn

-Do you like your cupcakes cold? Or am I the only weirdo?

-Any good christian books you recommend? Or have you read any of these?

-Do you find it hard to accept trials as gifts from God? Be honest.

I think the Devil is in my spin class teacher

No joke people. Last night I tried the Monday night spin class. I figured it was going to be much easier than the RPM spin class. I was wrong. I am positive this lady has some deal with the Devil. Or she hates every last one of us. I can usually tolerate most classes even if I don't like it. But this, I came close to getting up and walking out. She was crazy! I may be taking back my previous statements about starting to love spin class. 

She made us sprint the entire time. We did push ups on the handle bars as we kept spinning. She made us stand up, then sit down on our bikes 90x. Then we would have to crouch down and race but instead of holding handle bars you had to reach under the handle bar and hold the knob that tightens the handle bars. She also made us pedal with one leg a few times. There was a point she made us use so much resistance you literally could barely move. And during all this she is shouting and making you yell up/down and other things. I was so out of breath I couldn't even shout! Then to top it all off, at the end we got off our bikes and she made us do squats for about 4 minutes straight. I literally wanted to crawl out of the class. By the time I got home I was dead. I have never sweat so much my entire life at the gym, I actually smelled. I soaked in a bubble bath and thought Antonio was going to have to drag me out. 

I thought I was going to be way more sore today, so I am SO happy I am not! Now I can go torture myself some more and take Bodyflow and RPM spinning tonight. Hooray! I just keep thinking about the results and how I will not get them without the hard work! Here's some inspiration/motivation for the gym!!

oh oops that's my inspiration! ;)

Here's the real ones-

via pinterest

So get out there and as much as we may hate the gym, or feel tortured by Devil teachers, know the end result will be awesome! And as much as I despised this woman the whole hour, I know she was pushing me to my limits, something I probably would not do alone!

One last thing for this sunny Tuesday. Thank you all for your kind comments and emails. It means a lot to me and I am so glad I have you guys by my side during this! Love you all!

Your turn-

Have you ever had a class you hated, but liked? 

Ever had a teacher you thought was the Devil at the gym?

How is your workouts going? Have you pushed yourself lately?

Change is a comin

Before we begin, I had to let you all know how much I dominated in Monopoly. I bankrupted both Antonio and his friend. In the electronic version you play with k and m. So my net worth ended up being 119 M! It helped I ended up buying both park place and boardwalk within 10 rolls, and proceeded to add houses and hotels to them. Landing on a hotel on boardwalk was 20M. Needless to say, I enjoyed taking all their money! Who says a girl isn't a good business woman? It was also bittersweet bankrupting my husband first who is Mr. Business. Especially since he tried "guiding" me to make correct decisions. Hmm maybe I should make business decisions for us from now on! Ha just kidding, don't want that responsibility!

Now onto business. I wanted to let you all know that my life is going to be radically changing over these next few months. And NO I am not pregnant like everyone else on the planet currently. I have a lot of things that I need to work out, and work on for myself. I have been working out a lot, and I am not only looking to make a change on the outside, but a change on the inside. I have come to realize how much my past trauma (read about it here) is controlling my life. Even simple things as to why I get so upset over dishes not being done (control issues) or when things don't go a certain way (major anxiety) and the list just goes on. I am slowly realizing the every day things that it controls and I almost feel as though who I was 6 years ago is trapped inside, and I don't know how to let her out. It has really worsened since I got married, and all these issues I tried to forget about were pulled up and forced into my face so I had to deal with them.

I had no idea how much it was affecting me, or how much it would affect our marriage. I also don't think I was ready to face this and move forward until now.  I was trying to do it all alone, without God's help. And now I realize I am ready for this. I know God is holding my hand through this. I am ready to let go and take back control of my life. I am ready to change for the better. I have decided to return to therapy. I realize this may be one of the hardest times I have had to face since everything happened. I understand I am probably going to be on a rollercoaster of emotions for at least the next few months dealing with this. I am going to have good days, bad days, and heart wrenchingly painful days. Probably more bad than anything.

But I am ready, I am prepared knowing God won't let go. He will get me through this and he has taken the worst part away to carry on his shoulders, so knowing that, I know it could be SO much worse. This is the easiest it will be, and I should be thankful for that no matter how hard I feel it is. I feel as though God has something huge coming up for me and that getting through this is going to bring that about. And as much as I can't wait for that day, the devil wants me to wait. He is going to be throwing everything he has at me, and making this as hard as he can for me. But I'm ready, he does not control me anymore. There will be a war going on inside of me, but I know God and I together will be victorious.

I realize all the pain I went through, it was God's plan and I am not angry anymore. I think God has something SO so much bigger for me, and I want that so badly. And I was never ready for it until now. And if this was what I had/have to go through to get there, then I am ok with that. What he has planned for me is so much greater  than I could ever imagine, and will trump that pain 10 fold.

I am excited for the changes that are about to come. I am so beyond happy to be finally moving forward and regaining control of my life, who I was, and becoming who I was meant to be. God has made this so clear to me, that this is what I am supposed to be going through right now. I am very peaceful about this, not scared at all whereas I was before. I am excited to see what God has planned for me, how I will grow, and becoming closer to my husband. He fully supports me and told me "whatever it takes, or costs, we will make this happen." So glad I have him by my side, and I know I needed him there before I could move forward as well.

All this also entails working on our marriage. We can't have the marriage we deserve until I fix the things within myself. He is patiently waiting and putting up with me during all this and understands he may have a hard time as well. He may not know how to help, but realizes being there and letting me cry may be all I need. I owe it to him to work as hard as I can to provide him with an amazing wife. I want our marriage to be even more Christ centered and be the best it can be. I am so glad this is all happening at the very beginning rather 10 years in and ends up tearing us apart. He is amazing for wanting to stand by my side during this, knowing what it could entail. I am so thankful for him.

So I ask all of you during this next 6 months, maybe even more, to please pray for me. I am going to need all the help I can get, and knowing I have support out there is going to encourage me and be so helpful. I will try to update you on my journey, but I have no idea where it will go or how hard it will be. I have no idea how much I will be blogging every week. But I just ask you remember me, and pray or encourage me whenever possible. I am not afraid to ask for this because I don't want to do this alone. Thank you so much for understanding and being willing to help me. You guys are awesome!

I want to leave with the lyrics of this song that's really helping me at the moment with this.
The song is called Hope Now by Addison Road.

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out your name
Something inside awakes my soul
How quickly I forget
I am Yours

I am not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing your praises higher
Cause your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by You 
All my life

I want to be this (via Pinterest)

Windy Saturday

It's 8 on a Saturday night, and I just got up from a nap! Haha, yes I know this was a bad idea. But I am still sitting here trying to keep my eyes open. I could honestly go to bed right now, but that would mean I would have gone to bed at 5:30 pm. I am not 89, I refuse to allow myself to this! But apparently my body was exhausted, and I was not going to say no to that!

So last night we had a crazy windy night. I don't know if it was a wind storm. But it was nuts! I was gripping the wheel on my Suv on the highway at 65. It was at least 35 mph winds. I wish I could have gotten a picture of this, but we saw blue lightning! Yes, blue! I have never seen anything like it in my life. It wasn't lightning bolt lightning, but light up the entire sky lightning. So imaging the whole sky lighting up blue. I t was awesome!! But sadly, I was driving so I couldn't get a picture. I tried to find one online, but there was nothing similar to what we saw! Our power ended up going out about 5x in the middle of the night. (Hence why I needed a nap!)

And at about 3, I got woken up by this weird noise and our room lit up like a light bulb. This is with black out shades on our window. I thought maybe I dreamt it, so I laid there and it happened again and I woke Antonio up. The noise was SO loud and sounded like an elecrtic chair or something. Antonio's first thoughts-a giant robot is walking down the street. Yes, hunny I am sure that is what is happening! My first thought-rapture, we are going to die! Then we looked out the window and saw a giant spark on the phone lines, accompanied by that obnoxiously loud noise. I honestly don't know how anyone could have slept through it. And then all the power went out. Even the neighborhood across the street went out and the street lights. Talk about eery, and creepy. It felt like a scene from a movie! We tried figuring out why it was doing that. Maybe a tree fell on it? No. Was the wind blowing something on it and frying it? No. A power line had snapped and was dangling down and when the wind would die down it would end up dropping and right beneath was a pond. So the line would hit the water and make that noise! This went on every 10-30 min for hours. Until the power company finally turned it off. Luckily we had power though! But man, we were terrified, might have been one of the scariest moments until we knew what it was that I have ever been through!

The wind and cold continued through the day! I guess winter isn't ready to give up without a fight! I got up and met up with my friend Lauren for coffee at starbucks to chat for a little about an hour. And then I met up with my friend Jen and we went on the hunt for swimsuits. As most of you know, this is my favoriteeee thing. NOT. After going to target, and searching every store in the mall, we both only found 1 suit. Tragic, I know. She found hers at Forever 21, and I found mine at Target. This is the one I got. Hard to see but there are little white beads in the flowers.

via Google

So after we raided the mall, which is always full of interesting clothes, and people, and of course it's packed because of the weather and free pretzel day at Annie's, we came back to my apt and parted ways. I then proceeded to fall face first into my pillow and pass out in about 2 minutes. And now I am writing this, and the hubs will be home in a few minutes.

His friend is coming over, and we are headed to Walmart to find a board/card game or some sorts to play for the evening. Accompanied by some wine and snacks! Woo, I like the snacks part! I just wish I wasn't still half asleep. This may be interesting to try to play a game with half my brain working! Oh well, just blame it on the wine! :)

Hope you had a wonderful Saturday!

-Did you get hit by the storm?
-Did you do anything fun today?

Sometimes you just wanna scream

Sometimes you just wanna scream.
Sometimes you just want to cry.
Sometimes you just want to punch or throw something.
Sometimes you just wanna give up and say unkle.
Sometimes you feel so completely worthless and helpless.

And when this happens, sometimes you just need to get on your knees.

Then you realize you always need to scream to God that you need help.
You always need to cry to him that you so badly need to feel His love and be overflowing.
You always need to punch the Devil and tell him you don't belong to him.
You always need to throw your life fully into God's hands and trust what's happening is happening for a reason.
You always need to know even if you give up on God, he will NEVER give up on you and will never abandon his amazing plans he has for you.
You always need to know God loves you.
GOD LOVES YOU. 
You need to realize He created you with such thought, such love, and is proud to call you His.
You need to realize He is your father, and you are related to the most amazing, magnificent, glorious, loving, caring Savior who is the only thing that really matters, period.
You need to realize he created you in His OWN image, and all those things He is, He has instilled in you.
You need to realize you matter to Him more than anything.
You need to realize He sent his son to die in a cruel torturous death so He could take away the hard part.
You need to realize He carries your burdens and has given you things easy.
You need to realize no matter if you are feeling helpless or that you don't need Him, He is still holding you in his hands.
You need to realize He wants your love.

You need to realize God loves you in every good moment, bad moment, painful moment, joyous moment, and peaceful moment.
You need to realize God loves you every single second of every single day, and has since you have been thought of.

You need to realize God loves you.

Just watch, I guarantee you won't regret it.

Do you know how much God loves you?