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Kylee Noelle

Friday, November 2, 2012

A little real life wife chat

So I have talked about this a little bit before, but the longer I am married the more I am realizing there is such a need for this. Before you get married everyone you ask about marriage will tell you oh it's great, it's wonderful, you will love it! The only reputable piece of advice I received was don't light a candle in the bathroom after you poop, then it just smells like poop and candle, so we have branded that term the poop candle term! But that was honest, appreciative advice. And for some reason, people would rather pretend marriage is great than to admit things are hard, or they have difficulties. Because we are all so perfect! And honestly, this DOES NOT help one bit. It sets you up for complete failure actually.

You go into marriage with all these expectations and think you will dance around and laugh every time you see each other. He will be perfect and never leave the toilet seat down and will help with all the chores and never complain! I also get a bit peeved at looking at some of these perfect blogs. I get a little sick of hearing about how they had a perfect day at their perfect job and took perfect pictures after their perfect work out and came home to a perfect husband. Please gag me. It's so cute for the first 4 posts, or when you want to look up a perfect DIY project, but to read every day or to learn something, they just don't do anything.

I understand not airing your dirty laundry and saying yesterday he called me this and now we are having this fight and he is sleeping on the couch! That is not what I am saying. But as a married woman, it is nice to hear other people have some of the same struggles, and what they have done about them to improve the situation, because let's face it, things will not always get fixed or poof be gone!

They cater into this same thing of life and marriage are perfect. Then you watch movies or tv shows and they show you either marriage is perfect or if it's hard you just get a divorce. There is no in between, there is no hey this is hard, you have to work on it! It's when things get tough run. Or this is going to be so amazing! And we wonder why we have so many divorced people! Marriage is hard and people neglect to mention that before you get married. They neglect to mention that it really is the hardest thing you will ever do. And that it is a daily task. Not say I do and that's it. You have a 24/7 job once you get married and it is HARD.

This leads me into saying that for me, I need help, I need advice, and I need places to go to find it. These perfect blogs don't help, and most main stream tv or movies do not help. Why are we so afraid to admit hardships in marriage? I promise to you that I will not be that way. I am not afraid to talk about the hidden things in marriage and I hope you have an open mind when discussing it. You should want your marriage to be the best it can be, and admitting you have no faults, your marriage has no problems, and you don't need advice is complete crap! Most of us haven't been married 60 years and have it all figured out, I don't think they do either honestly.

I also don't have it all figured out! I wish I did. I think it's time I shed some of my honesty and admit some of my failures. I know I can be doing better as a wife. I know I have yet to learn how to be selfless. I have also really learned that when my heart and focus is not set on being with God on a daily basis and with everything I do, I tend to slip back into the world's ways and it affects my marriage GREATLY. You can't rely on the other person to make you happy, and willing them and wishing them to change something they do will only get intro trouble. What you really should be doing is pray to God that he can help the situation some how, whether it be changing your heart or his.

I used to be OCD with cleaning, and he was the exact opposite, it drove me insane! But after praying on it continuously God changed my heart, not my husbands. He helped me to be more accepting of mess, and realize hey if it doesn't get done today, it's OK. It has taken me some time to be ok with this, but now mess barely bothers me. I am worlds away from where I was when we first got married.

In realizing this, it has helped my mind set so much to see that if I don't focus on God to help me be a good wife, then I won't be. I may not be the best wife, but when I am treating him the way God commands me to, then that is being the best wife!

There are so many topics though that no one decides to tell you about before you get married, and one of them is sex and intimacy. GASP. Oh no I said the s word! That's a dirty word, and no one does that, especially if you are married! Come on, another load of crap people. There are so many people who struggle with this issue in marriage. They think you get married, bam, sex life will be perfect! And that is just not the case. You will still flirt, and be all cutesy like you were when you dated. Eh WRONGO. It's like you get married and everything just stops. All that work to get them, now you have them, so the work is over. When in reality, the work has just begun. And I think most of us are not sex addicts, so having a sex life when we are super busy is hard work. You really have to think about it and make it a priority to focus on.

I found an awesome blog where she is writing this into a book and I highly suggest if you are a wife, you read this, no matter how wonderful your marriage is. She talks about a lot of subjects that are hidden and that we all would love to talk about! It is sad though to read some of the comments people leave and that some don't see sex in marriage as a gift from God, but as something dirty and awful. And talking about it in public is a sin! Why would God create something so wonderful in marriage that he allows if it was so awful? Talking about it doesn't mean you are out whoring yourself out. You are simply trying to figure out how to have a better sex life, there is no shame in that. You aren't sharing pictures or anything like that. Asking questions isn't wrong! It saddens me they have these view points, and for their husbands!

A marriage will not work without connection, intimacy, and yes without sex. It causes stress in all regions and that just leads to more and more problems. It is a very important issue and I would like to help all the wives out there who have questions! Please go read her 29 day challenge! You don't have to do it with your husband, you can learn some ideas to bank for later if you want. But if you can do it with your husband all the better! I also would highly recommend watching the movie Fireproof! I think it shows how most marriages work and what happens when you focus on God and your spouse and not yourself! They also have a book called The Love Dare. I would highly recommend that as well!

Here is her website:

What do you ladies think about all this? Are there things you wished people would have told you before marriage? Did you think it would be this hard or has it been easy? Is it hard to admit that things aren't always amazing? Why?

1 comment:

Suz and Allan said...

I really enjoyed this post. I'm always extremely honest with people when they ask for advice.