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Kylee Noelle

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

History or His Story?

When you think of the word History, you think about that class in high school where you had to memorize every King that ever lived and when they lived and where etc. Or a bunch of old people start popping up in your head like Abraham Lincoln, Caesar, Hitler, Neil Armstrong, and perhaps JFK. Or maybe you even think about events that happened, 9/11, Pearl Harbor, Korean War, or the Holocaust. Or you think about inventions that happened, the light bulb, electricity, running water, the handy dandy toilet, the automobile, and the snuggie! (haha) Or maybe you think about your first kiss in kindergarten that really never counted, the first time you had a serious injury, a family member's death or a friend, or even your high school years.

When you see the word History, lots of things can come to your mind. But the one thing we neglect to think about, is what this word dissects into. His story. Have you ever looked at History and thought about it as his story? Sure the things that have happened to this time are all in the past. But do you ever look at it as a book God is writing? We automatically think about God only in our lives. He is writing MY story. When in all actuality, your story, is another story in His BIG book. You have a reason in His story. It is always harder to see the big picture and to look outside of ourselves. But all those things that happened in the past, happened for a reason. A reason God chose to have happen. We may not understand some of those things, like wars, death, Holocaust, etc. But we are not the ones writing it.

We can not understand why he has had things happen that seem so horrible to us. But he has a bigger plan, and our small brains can not fathom his concepts. If we had control, we would write that the world be so happy and hunky dory. Peace and smiles. No jails, or bad things. But that would be impossible. The Devil is present and he would never let something like that happen.

We continually try to fight God and have control of what happens in our lives and make it our story. But we all have to realize, this is not our story, and it never was. This is God's story, and it always has been. We are just another character in it! It doesn't mean he doesn't have great things in store for you. But think about it, if we weren't in His story, we would just be wandering around earth for nothing. There would be no need for exciting things, happy things, bad things, unimaginable things, or amazing things to happen. Every story you read is not about a mundane character where nothing happens to them is it? It's full of ups and downs and the good and bad things that happen to that character. So why would you expect your life not to be that way?

Yes it's hard to face the bad times, but it's great to be in good times. You wouldn't get good times if you weren't in God's story. You wouldn't have any kind of times! You would merely be walking around pretty much a zombie. Be happy you are a character in God's story! Instead of never having anything happen to you, you get to experience so many things happen to you! And you never know what God has coming next for you! It is not always going to be what we wanted, or it could be so much more. But just remember God's story is the best that could ever be for you. Without it, your life would be and mean nothing.

So next time you are having a hard time, or even a good time, just remember this isn't your story you are writing. God has this story written, you are merely reading page by page of what happens in it. You can't make a new story, it's already done. So stop trying to change it, accept what God has written for you and don't think you are part of boring history, think that you are part of the absolute greatest story ever told! You are in the same story as Jesus, even though that was so long ago, it was only just a few chapters before you. How amazing is that?


Monday, January 30, 2012

I choose to sing Hallelujah

My heart is so heavy right now. I couldn't sleep. I needed to write. There have been few times in my life where I have been brought to tears of over spilling thankfulness to God. Now is one of them. Now is one of those moments, I am so thankful that praising through the storm has brought me peace and enlightenment. It is moments like these, I realize how GREAT is MY God.

I'm not gonna lie, marriage has gotten easier in some aspects, and in others, I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall. Things just aren't changing or he isn't hearing me. And in trying to be patient, things start to wear on you emotionally.


Do you ever feel like God puts a challenge in your life to test you? So then you are left with a choice, do you choose God, or do you choose the Devil's way? You think, oh I will choose God and I will win! Easy! So you do so, and nothing changes. You are stuck in the same challenge, and not only are you stuck, the challenge has become harder. So now choosing God is a bit more difficult then it was before, but you do it again thinking HAH the Devil will not get me! Now I will be done with this hardship and back to smooth sailing. But God says no.  Now the challenge has become so deep and is hitting you to the core. And this cycle seems to go on to repeat until you finally can barely bear anymore. You literally don't think you can handle anymore. You are at your wits end, and you contemplate maybe the Devil's way won't be so bad after all. But you fight through and you cry out one last time.

This was me today. The past few weeks have been rough for me. Dealing with a lot of emotional and personal issues and I have felt so lonely in every aspect. And I knew this feeling too well, this feeling was my warning sign of depression. And I was choosing God every challenge along this road, and when I saw that old friend depression, I knew I was in trouble. I knew this was bad. The Devil knew I was weak, he knew I was vulnerable and he was trying to attack me in any way, shape or form. And how crazy it is to me, the more I become closer to God, the easier it is to spot the Devil's antics. And I saw him so loud and so clear. It was like he was standing in front of me writing out a bargain for me to sign. Hey pick me, the pain will stop. And in veryyyy small print it says--The pain will stop for NOW. But in the end this will just end up making a HUGE mess and making things worse. I saw through him. I knew this was not the way to go.

I knew picking God's sign could once again up the anty of challenge and pain. And up till this point I was like ya know, I have been through so much already I can handle this easy. I have been through so much worse, this is nothing. And tonight I realized, I don't know if I can handle this, I really don't know if I can take it. I was being rocked to my core. I was being pushed to my faiths limit and to my emotional and mental limits. And I literally was weak, and fell to my knees.

I cried out, and I told God I can't do this alone anymore. I don't understand why you are doing this, I don't get it. But I still want this. I don't want to walk away from the fight, and I want to do what you have commanded me to do. I know it may not get any better any time soon, but I am choosing you God. I am asking you to give me your strength to endure this battle. To be a good christian and to not let the Devil win me over. I need your patience and to remember I am special to You. Your love is what matters most, and to know you are still there for me holding my hand. And as hard as it is to push forward, I will still continue to praise You, even though my heart is torn, my mind is confused, and  my soul is hurting. Just help me God in any way I need it. Help me not to feel broken anymore. Help me to trust you and to know you will get me through this.

At the same time I was listening to music and these two songs came on in a row and it was one of those woah moments. It captured how I felt to the T.

1. Jaci Velasquez- On my knees
There are days when I feel the best of me is ready to begin. 
Then they're days when I feel I'm letting go and soaring on the wind. 
Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain how to survive. 

I get on my knees
I get on my knees
There I am before the love that changes me
See I don't know how but there's power 
when I'm on my knees

I can be in a crowd or by myself, or almost anywhere.
When I see there's a need to talk with God, he is my Emanuel.
When I close my eyes no darkness there, only light.

2. Bethany Dillon- Hallelujah
Who can hold the stars and my weary heart?
Who can see everything?
I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean, do anything
But it's when You hold me
That I start unfolding
And all that I can say is

Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing Hallelujah.
Whatever's in front of me
I choose to sing Hallelujah.

The same sun that rises over castles, welcomes the day
Spills over buildings, into the streets where orphans play
Any only You
Can see the good
In broken things.

You took my heart of stone
And made it home
Set this prisoner free...


And literally about an hour later, things started to change. What needed to happen SO badly, finally happened. And the reason I sit here in tears of thankfulness is because I saw I beat the Devil. I feel like I made it through God's challenge and that He is so proud of me. And that his reward is giving me what I needed so badly. I waited so long for it and even though my patience dwindled, I still praised him through my storm. And the feeling I got from this, was just such relief and peace. I felt like God was sitting next to me and patted my back and said "Well done my daughter." And I am so thankful, he broke a wall that needed to be broken desperately. I am thankful that I can praise Him knowing he gives and takes away, and can still be thankful for the bad times. They bring growth.

This may be the first time in my life where I really have been pushed to this extent in my faith and still continued to be faithful. And the reward and end result is like a precious gift. I can not explain the feeling to you, and I can not explain what it feels like to feel as though God is literally hugging you. You know when you get that feeling of a weight has been lifted off your chest? It's like that. To me it's what peace feels like.

It's reassurance to know he has my back through all this. And there will be hard times in life, but to just be faithful and know he will get me through. This is the first time I have not done it myself, but let God help me, and it is so much more rewarding then doing it myself! Learning to trust in Him is so very difficult, but I am starting to see now the benefits of giving over the trust.


Have you had any experiences with trusting God?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Giving in does not = being defeated

Titling my blog post this now is easy, but a week ago, I probably would have had a lot harder time with it. Some of you may be like me where you are an over achiever, hard on yourself, like to be in control, and most of the time giving up is not an option. If you want something, you find a way to get it. So when things don't quite go your way no matter how hard you are trying, giving in is basically like saying you have been defeated. I think though, when it comes to certain situations, giving in may be submitting to defeat, but not in every situation. But telling yourself that in the moment of facing defeat, doesn't quite work so well.

Let me back up to Sunday now. Sunday was NOT a good day for me. As most of you know, I have been battling a lot of sickness and knee issues, and have really been trying not to let them bring my spirits down. It was working for the first week. Then it was one of those weekends where one thing happened after another and things were just piling up inside.

I can take being sick, I had been sick with this cough/cold crap for 5 weeks, so you would think getting sick again wouldn't be an issue. Wrong. Especially when I thought I was only going to be sick for maybe 3 days, 5 max. Then back to my normal healthy self again. I set high expectations up for my body and I expected it to listen to me. Wrong again. Then when you set your expectations on yourself, you push to make sure those are met. Bad idea. And then when you don't meet those expectations, what happens? You fail, and you face defeat. Then with my personality, next thing that happens.. you take it out on yourself, become way too hard on yourself and you end up breaking down because you are not performing to your standards. Which does not lead to pretty things! But when it comes to being sick, I should have just known in this circumstance, setting myself up that way was not going to work. I can't control my body, and no matter how hard I tell it to do something, it is not going to listen to me. Instead, I should know better and to just listen to what my body needs and know that if I do that, it will help me get better faster, rather then break me down and make me be sick for much longer. You would think I would know this, but alas my stubbornness kicks in, and I want to will myself into getting better. But it doesn't work like that! So now for my Sunday.

I was already frustrated with some other issues besides my body, so my mind was trying to battle those on top of all this. I had gone to the Dr on thursday and figured out everything that was wrong and was  now taking measures to make things better. So I figured by Sunday, 8 days after getting so sick, I should be worlds better! So the night before I decided oh my stomach should be good now, let's try some cheese and cooked green beans. Bad idea. Sunday on the way to church my stomach was starting to hurt while trying to digest these food items. Which is painful. So of course I just chose to deal with it and ride it off. Smart me decided to try cheese on my turkey sandwich at lunch. Bad idea. So then we went over to train with Brent.

I was excited to be working out and thought maybe if I ignored my stomach, it would be fine. My knee was feeling much better and I was pumped to try my new shoes. We started warming up and my stomach was starting to disagree with lunch. But as usual I was going to keep pushing. My food was not digesting well and all that I kept tasting was acid. Which if you know the taste, you know it's not pleasant and trying to work out with that continually coming up, not the funnest. So Brent starts our training and I am really trying, but my legs are so tight from my knee stuff, and we were doing jumpy things, so now my stomach is jiggling around and making more acid come up, and food bouncing off my walls and for the life of me, no matter how hard I pushed my body said NO. And I have never had to stop during a work out or training and just say no more I can't even do it. So I was like no, I refuse to accept this. I don't quit. And I continue to try even though I physically can barely even move my legs to do mountain climbers. Which is frustrating me because I have never had this issue. So now I am mad at my legs, mad at my stomach, and body. Trying to show them who is boss and I am not winning. So my body decides ok, you won't listen to us, we are going to win, watch us. It then throws in light headedness and nausea. Which at this point, this combo I can not beat. I have never been light headed working out either, which also infuriates me.

I literally drop to the floor. I think maybe I just need a minute to calm down. As I am sitting there, nothing is going away and I realize my body has beat me. I have to throw in the towel. So now besides being angry at my body, I am angry that I have to say I can't do this and that I am feeling all these things. Disappointment in myself is now being added to the mix. And naturally, I start crying from frustration. And I have never cried during a work out. Let alone in front of my trainer. So now I feel like a complete wuss on top of it and am angry I am crying in front of my trainer. This is an awful combo of feelings, but I had no choice to give in. So he just had me stretch with the foam roller, and do any ab things I could that wouldn't upset my stomach. Which I felt better about that I could at least handle something. So we finished our work out and headed home. I thought my irritation and frustration for the day was over. Wrong again.

As we are heading home I am trying to think about what I can eat. Before getting sick we were on our diets, and my thought process was I will just try to stick as close to diet as possible even when sick. Well this thought process wasn't working, and I was not giving my stomach enough food, nor what it needed to heal, which was pro-longing the process of healing. So as my thoughts were on what to eat, I pretty much hit my breaking point. I ended up at my mom's house having a break down. I had limited myself to basically soup, crackers, soup, and maybe a pb&j, here and there. Well let me tell you, one can only eat so much soup. I was so sick of eating even less then I was before I got sick with choices. But I was fighting my mind battle of trying to continue how I was before I got sick and work through it like nothing was wrong with me. I didn't want to have to give in and go off our diet completely and waste all the work I had done from the weeks before. And I realized if I gave up on my own soup diet, I would give in to carb world and in my mind of course I would end up gaining a million pounds etc. So I was fighting it but now I couldn't take the misery anymore. And I was now angry I once again had the feeling of being defeated, and my body had won again. My expectations had not been reached, and so ensued the being hard on myself of why can't my body be healed, how come what I am doing isn't enough and why do I have to be sick this long? Which in turn brought upon another part of my breakdown. The being sick of being sick thought process.

So now along with all the other things, I am now realizing I can't make getting better any faster no matter how hard I try. And setting myself up to say ok by monday I should be fine to do this etc etc instead of just saying no, wait till the end of the week and let everything  heal more. So then I would try, and guess what, it didn't work. So now I get to be angry that I have failed at yet again another expectation. So not being able to work out, and not being able to eat what I wanted to yet just led to a giant I am SICK of being sick. I had that cough/cold combo for 5 weeks. I just kicked it, and bam, I get sick with this now. So now I have been sick for 6 weeks straight. And during this whole process, it has completely botched my eating diet, botched my working out diet, botched my training for 10k, and put me behind who knows how much. So this will most defiantly end up in a breakdown! And I had tried so hard to be positive during all this. But I felt defeated in myself. Disappointed I wasn't at the point I wanted to be.

I went to Velocity even though I really did not want to be there. My head was a mess, I was a mess, and being with other people just was not on my to do list. But I needed to remove my emotions and go for the kids. So I went feeling like I was 10 feet under the ground and just felt ridden with failure. I talked to some other leaders in my coaching group about this and they snapped me back to reality. They made me realize I really need to listen to my body and take care of it. That I needed to forego diet and just give my body what it needs. If I don't I am going to be sick a lot longer then if I just gave in. As hard as it was for me to admit, I knew they were right. And it was only for a week, it's not like I will gain 90 lbs! And I was so miserable, this just wasn't worth trying to stay close to the diet. They also suggested probiotics. I went to whole foods and got these:

So far, I think they really seem to be helping! I did an easy work out today, and I am going to try some meat and dairy tonight and see how my stomach handles. I am not in any pain digesting anymore, or just in general! 

I guess the conclusion to all this, is sometimes giving in doesn't mean giving up or submitting to defeat. In this instance, the importance of taking care of my body versus sticking to the diet was much greater. It is hard to see that when you have been working so hard on one thing and now you just have to stop and hope it doesn't throw you off. It's not like I have been out eating fast food or anything, so I have tried to be good even off my diet (whole wheat, still minimal sugars, etc.) It is true how we are our worst critics, and sometimes, we have to let our bodies tell us what we need, not our heads. Which is hard for a controlling personality like myself! I can't keep doing my work outs and eat healthy if I don't take care of my stomach to be able to digest them! So a short road block, but I don't think it's going to hurt  me too much in the long run. 

Anyone else have these same problems of getting out of your mind?


Saturday, January 14, 2012

Hot Mess!

So far 2012 has not bode well for me! I am a hot mess! Started out with a continuous asthma/cold combo that has FINALLY ended! took 5 weeks to get over. Ridiculous, I know. So just as I was rounding the corner most of you know I got hit with the stomach flu. And when I say hit, I mean got ran over with a train twice. It was bad. But hubby took care of me with lots of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and powerade. He even made me a makeshift table. Had to take a pic of course!

So I started feeling better about Tuesday, but I kept it safe with easy foods. Went to gym and felt fine. Then wednesday I decided to go back to our lovely diet and Wednesday night a war ensued inside my stomach. I was curled up in a ball in so much pain. I had no idea why this was still happening, and my stomach still was in so much pain. I tried tums, bepto pills, nothing was touching the pain. So I went to the dr thursday and she said that when I took the steroid for my lung inflammation it tore up my stomach and it wasn't quite healed yet when I got stomach flu. And the stomach flu basically ripped my stomach as much as one could. So it needs about 2 weeks to heal. I flushed out all the good bacteria, bile, basically anything and everything in stomach that digests food. So it left me completely raw inside hence the pain. So it needs to heal, and regenerate all those juices and things. So I am on soft foods for another week, and on anti nausea pills as well. As far as my stomach pain, nothing she can really do till it heals up. So that kind of sucks, but at least I have some answer.

As far as my knee goes. I asked her about that too. She played around with it and said that when I switched to my Brooks, they ended up pronating my ankle and made my weight go all onto the right side of my leg. So my right leg muscle got stronger and is now pulling the tendon connected to my knee cap to the right. It almost feels like I am walking to the right but I am not. So my ankle and hip is thinking oh well wherever the knee goes, we follow, so they are now wanting to go to the right as well. Which is not correct! So she told me to keep icing, ibprofin for the little inflammation I had and pain. I need to strengthen inner thigh muscle so it will even out to pull knee cap back, no running till it's fixed (BOO!) and to wear a knee strap to help try and pull my tendons back straight! This baby:
via google
Which I can tell is helping a lot! The pain has gone away already! and I feel like my knee is starting to go back into place! She also told me to get rid of those new shoes. They are not good for me. So I took them back to Running Fit and they let me do an even exchange thankfully! So I got a stability shoe that just came out. It will help me move off my heels and move to mid foot when I run and have less impact when I do hit my heels. And a heel drop of 8mm. Hopefully these are what I need! 
Saucony Progrid Guide 5

So in conclusion, doing a lot of healing and hopefully getting out of being a hot mess! I will not let these things get me down!
via Pinterest

One last thing for the day. Wanted to share a cute video of my sugar bear Lola eating some cottage cheese! :)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Blog Envy

I hate to say that I still struggle with Blog Envy. It is hard to go to other people's pages and see them all fancy and done up and have all these followers and giveaways, comments, pictures, etc. I think I may be having dailymile envy too! But alas I saw this quote and reminded myself to snap myself out of it!
via Pinterest

And I must remind myself why I created my blog in the first place. It wasn't to get "popular" and to waste endless amounts of time on a blog per day as if it were my hobby. It was a place where I could go to express my thoughts, even though sometimes my husband makes fun of them, ok not sometimes like all times. It was a place where I could have a chance to minister unto others and maybe reach those I don't know or see often. It was a place to share my experience in becoming a new wife and what entailed with this new life and future. To log my adventures in life! So as much as I would love to have all these adoring fans, I must remember why I started this blog and be faithful to that. Not be faithful to the hub bub of the Blog world. But to remember to just be me and do what I wanted to do, not blend in.
via Pinterest

In other news, ran 3 miles yesterday! Woo been awhile since I have done that. I won't lie, it wasn't collectively. I did 2, then walked for 5 minutes then ran the second one. It will be nice when I can get back to where I at least used to be with running. Miss when I could run for an hour. I did run 5 or 6 miles once I believe. A few years ago, but I did it! So I know it is in there, and I know I can get to a 10k with hard work! I am thinking about the Martian Run in May before our honeymoon. I was debating about Big House, Big Heart 10k because they moved it up. But Megan said the Martian Run you get a medal for 10k.. and well.. I WANT a medal! I mean who doesn't? It would be so nice to have a medal for my first 10k! I am so proud to have a bff like Megan by my side as she gives me such great inspiration to be a better runner! I am excited to watch her train for a full marathon this year! She's got this! To read more about her journey click here.

My knee isn't much better, but I could run on it. It bugged me at some points of the run but I kept pushing through and really tried to stretch it. I think I just inflamed it doing leg stuff a few weeks ago, and I am hoping lots of stretching, icing, and Ibprofin will help! I remembered I had an ace bandage that has the ice bag in it! Yes no more ice cubes in a baggy for me! 

Yes! Minus hairy man's leg! Via google.

Then I finished up my workout with some abs, arms and shoulder weights, and lovely planks. Which I swear Brent is never at a loss to make us do planks and squats every work out. We are lucky to escape either! I still will never like planks! Next Tuesday I am hoping to try a BodyFlow class. It is Tai chi, Pilates, and Yoga mixed. I have to time this well because if I do it too closely to PT, then I will be sore while I train, and no that's a bad idea. And after I train, I am sore for about 2 days to the point of I can not move much, so that will not work either. So it looks as though Tuesday is my only window of oppurtunity! And it's a 6:30 class, so hopefully I can make it by then! 

Then I came home and had some dinner, and watched the Biggest Loser and cooked our turkey meat, chicken, beans, quinoa, and cleaned up the kitchen. I swear it is a never ending battle! I can empty dishwasher, refill it, clean some of the pots in sink, and it still looks like I didn't touch it! Then I get it all nice and clean and in 5 minutes BAM dirty again! Man I can't wait till we have kids, I don't think it will ever be clean!

Go from this to this:

then finally to this:
and 5 minutes later I swear this is what happens!
NEVER ENDS! All images via google

I did see this picture on Pinterest that made me laugh for multiple reasons.
via google
1. REALLY? I mean REALLY? Who thinks of this crap.
2. I really hope that isn't a little kid.
3. Red? Uhm, is she the wicked witch of the south? Why red?
4. They could have at least made her shoes a little cuter, just sayin.
5. Why does a sink with human legs, have better muscles than me? Not fair.
6. Yet I still laugh at this.

Ok, one last thing, a marriage thing. I did not realize before getting married that sleeping in the same bed can be quite difficult. If one of you has a restless night, so does the other. Aka, Lyndsey is tired today! Thinking about an early bed time tonight.. ya I always say this, never happens! We shall see! Have a good day all! I leave you with this.
via Pinterest

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I think this is winter?

Well I guess this weather is nice, but I don't like it for the fact that I know it is not winter weather! And now we are being spoiled and in 2 days it is going to drop again! This weather gets me in the mindset of spring, so to know that spring is not anywhere close, well that is aggravating! So as much as I enjoy this weather, I would like it to just be winter and be done and over with instead of continually teasing me and then reminding me HAH it's only January! SIKE! This is not nice, nor is it great for any of our health! I have never been so sick in winter before! So one or 2 days of this here and there is great, but this up and down stuff, no bueno. It's messing me up so much! But alas, prepare yourselves my friends, Friday brings back winter. So enjoy it while you can! Plus I am paying for a car port for all this snow.. I am wasting money! At least let me get my money's worth out of those suckers! Ok weather rant over. Onto more important things like running and diet!

Well I was doing quite well with our torture, I mean workouts, and I was kicking this cough which is still lingering here and there but for most part it's about gone. Then whammo, hit with the flu, and now this runners knee to contend with. So basically since Saturday, my diet and workouts have been a wash! Grr! But I am introducing other foods in today besides soup and crackers to see how things hold up. But easy things, like yogurt, an apple, cheese, ya know all those easy digestible things. No meats or veggies today, still want to make sure we can digest properly and I really don't want to push myself to become sick again. You have to give your body what it needs, so I am doing just so. Yes it is interfering with my diet plan but I would rather not feel like crap for a week vs 5 days.

It is hard when you are only trying to lose 10 lbs. Your weight can fluctuate up to 8 lbs in one day, so one day I look like I lost 4, then next it's only 2. It is quite aggravating! So I am trying not so much to focus on my weight, as I am toning up and losing fat, gaining muscle. Today my clothes are starting to fit a lot more loosely, which is a good sign! I know expelling half my body weight this weekend probably helped a little, but I can tell things are tightening up a lot! My stomach is shrinking and shaping in a new shape, which strikes my curiosity and makes me think maybe this actually will work to get a flat stomach. Everything I have tried before has not quite worked, so the fact that things are shrinking differently excites me. I can feel my back and legs tightening up. I am no where near as exhausted as I used to be since I was so dehydrated. If you want to do 1 thing, seriously, try drinking a gallon of water a day for a few weeks, see how your energy level changes! It is crazy! If I am tired, I start chugging water, not coffee. I think I have had coffee twice on this diet, and that was just to have it, not because I was tired. BTW ppl, starbucks has a sugar free peppermint+sugar free mocha! I would add two pumps of peppermint though, You can taste the lack of sugar for sure, but for sugar free, it is quite good!

One other thing I am noticing, I am still having cravings, not so much for sugar, but for carbs. I miss my pasta and my french fries! Plus the best ice cream for this diet, in moderation of course is either fat free, or no sugar added. That seems to be the smallest amount of sugars and carbs/calories combo I can find. It isn't sugar free but it's a nice treat here and there. You can also make sugar free jello on your own as a treat. I will try to mention things I find for those of you not on as strict of a diet as we are. Which I thought would be a good idea to show you. This is Antonio's diet, which he has to eat more calories then I do. So I am just trying not to eat as many eggs, because I tried, and I can not do it. I come close to throwing up every time. So I am trying to do 3, whenever it says 6, and he has to eat one more meal then I do. If he doesn't work out he eats 5 meals a day, I eat 4. If he works out he eats 6 meals a day, I eat 5. We are also allowed more sugar then normal RIGHT after a workout because we just burned so much sugar. So we have been making a strawberry protein shake with frozen berries and frozen strawberries and light cranberry juice. SUPER yummy! Ok here is the diet:

Meal 1: 
1/2 Cup Oats 
1 Cup berries
tbsp peanut butter (natural)
1 Scoop Protein Powder/ 6 egg whites-cooked how you like
Calories Carbs Protein Fat 
399 49g 33g 12g 

Meal 2: 
1 carb master
6 Egg Whites 
1/2 oz almonds
Calories Carbs Protein Fat 
420 34g 32g 8g 

Meal 3: 
1 Whole Wheat tortilla 
4oz Grilled Chicken 
1/4 cup b rice/ or comparable carb
Sliced Lettuce 
Sliced Tomato 
1/2oz Almonds 
Mustard To Taste 
Calories Carbs Protein Fat 
350 45g 34g 10g 

Meal 4: 
4 oz meat
1/2 Cup Cooked Quinoa 
1 Orange 
Calories Carbs Protein Fat 
395 45g 40g 7g 

Meal 5: 
4 oz meat
1/2 Cup Beans, lentils, hummous 
Balsamic Vinegar With Italian Seasoning +1 tbsp olive oil to add taste to beans
Calories Carbs Protein Fat 
347 38g 31g 9g 

If you workout:
Meal 6: 
9 Egg Whites 
1oz Reduced Fat Cheese 
1/2 cup oats
Calories Carbs Protein Fat 
374 30g 45g 9g

Let me guess you are thinking WOAH that's a lot of food.. ya well IT IS! Plus when you drink so much water, you are more full. So it actually is really hard to eat that much every day! Never thought  eating and drinking would be such a chore! But for real people, if you are interested in losing weight and looking for an awesome torturer I mean trainer, please let me know. I hate to admit this diet and stuff is working, but it is! And it is not a quick fix, it's shaping us into a lifestyle. Portion control is so key! But if you would like to work with Brent, let me know! My parents also train with him, my mom has been for 3 years. If you aren't sure and would like to come with antonio and I and test him out, it's $25 for a group drop in, which trust me people is an awesome deal! Most trainers are 80+ for 1 hr. And he is training to be a PA. So he has so much knowledge about the body and will tell you why you are doing that exercise, what it is affecting, and how to do it properly, which is important! If anything, come a few times or for a few months and learn some things to take back on your own!

We also started taking Vitamin B, C, D, and fish oil. They are also making a difference in energy levels and you just feel so much better over all! We don't feel so run down or almost jet lagged all the time. You don't want to go to bed at 8pm because you feel so blah. If anything you want to go to bed because you are exhausted from working out but still feel good! We are also both sleeping much better and much more soundly. Let me know if you need any help on your own diet/work out regime! 

Now on to running. My friend Meggers is doing a hardcore challenge this year, and she is welcoming anyone to join. But you need a google+ account which is easy to sign up for. Basically it's a group of any people who have fitness goals and are helping pump each other up and keep each other accountable for the goals! My goals are lose 10 lbs by May, run a 10k, and run 365+ miles! So if you would like to join, pop over here to operation hardcore fit, read about it and then contact Megan if you would like to join the group! Think it's a great idea!  

To all you runners, if you have runners knee, what are some things you do to deal with it? Please let me know! I really want to accomplish my goals and would like for this not to hinder them!

One last thing, I was trying to not eat super bad while I was sick, so besides chicken noodle soup, I made a french onion soup-sugar, and crouton free! We sprinkled a little reduced fat mozerella cheese on top!

1 BIG sweet onion, or 2 smaller ones
2 packets french onion soup mix
64 oz of water
1 tbsp of olive oil
2 cloves garlic minced
salt and pepper to taste
1 oz reduced fat cheese

Chop onions to your liking and put in large pot. Mince garlic and add to onions. Add olive oil. Sautee/reduce onions for at least a half hour at low. After a half hour, it's your preference how small onions are. Add first packet to onions and garlic and slowly stir in 32 oz cold water. Add second packet and slowly add another 32 oz cold water. Bring to a boil. Add salt and pepper to liking. Reduce heat and simmer for at least 10 minutes. Put soup in bowl and add cheese. Enjoy!

This was super easy to do and pretty good for a packet mix! It is great with wine, but wine has sugar!!

Hope everyone enjoys their Tuesday! Also make sure to watch Biggest Loser tonight to see our friend Buddy Shuh!! (red team)

Monday, January 9, 2012

God's new year for me

Before I begin, I wanted to post a yummy recipe!

Healthy Baked Chicken
3 raw chicken breasts
1 tablespoon spicy mustard
1 cup plain soy milk
2 cups crushed special k-protein for bread crumbs
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
olive oil for drizzling

Pre-heat oven to 375. Crush special k (will end up using about 3 cups non crushed to get 2 cups crushed.) Set aside in a bowl or plate. In a separate bowl add soy milk, spicy mustard, salt, and cayenne pepper and mix. Take chicken and dip it in wash, then coat in bread crumbs. Place on a pan and drizzle with olive oil. Bake 35-45 minutes until chicken is cooked through!

I paired this with sweet potatoes I chopped up and drizzled with olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic that I cooked at 400 in oven for about 30-35 minutes. And steamed broccoli! Delish!

Ok now onto the blog post. I was pondering "my" new years resolutions this morning and trying to figure out what I wanted 2012 to be for me. 2011 was quite a huge year for me! Ran some races,  got engaged, got married, moved into my first apartment, had a 1 year anniversary with my nanny family, found a church to call my home, became leaders in Velocity, and I fell in love with Jesus! I would say quite the eventful year!! I am so thankful for having such an amazing year! And I was thinking now how could I top that off?! What could I do next year? How did I want to work on my running goals? So far I had come up with I wanted to run 365 miles total next year. Not a mile a day, I will fail fairly quickly! But a mile for every day of the year. And Antonio and I are working on our health and our outer bodies. So far that was as far as my mind had really wandered besides going on a honeymoon.

 I was reading a friend of mines blog and she is doing this program called world race. They go to 11 countries in 11 months and minister to people there for a month. She left in September and as I was reading her blog, I was truly inspired. What courage it takes to give up everything, literally. It's not a week or two or a month mission trip, it's 11 months. You have to quit your job, and have no income for 11 months. Leave family and friends and not see anyone for basically a year including training. I mean it is a tall order and not something you just run off and go do. And I commend her for deciding to do something so bold like this. Giving your life up to God for a year, no questions asked. Amazing to me. I could only dream to ever be at a place where I could say ya, sure let's do this God. But honestly, the thought of this terrifies me and I really don't think I could ever do it! But in reading some of the things she had to say, it just really got me thinking.

You hear about people going on mission's trips and experiencing God so intensely and that it changed their lives etc. And I can see the change in Kelsey already and I thought to myself, man I really want to experience that! So I have already announced I want to go on a missions trip at some point, just when the opportunity was right. And reading her blog makes me want to go even more. But then I started thinking about my new years resolutions. And the thought occurred to me that they weren't God's resolution's for me. And they had nothing to do with God. And that I was looking for something to make me experience God, not relying on myself to experience it wherever, whenever. And although it is a goal to go on a missions trip somewhere next year, I am not relying on that to be the only life changing experience I have.

I was reading scripture today in Habakkuk and Nahum and it's all over the place about people living for this world and not God's. And what will happen to you if you live for the world and not him. If you worship idols or focus on becoming rich for the sake of being rich. And of course people read things today and go oh well I don't have a little carved statue in my house I am not worshiping idols! But in fact, an idol is something that gets in the way of you and God and you focus on it more then God. This could be TV, video games, partying, drinking, drugs, sex, and so much more. Just anything that is pulling you away from God is an idol. And for some reason that just hit me today like a ton of bricks.

"What good is an idol carved by man, or a cast image that deceives you? How foolish to trust in your own creation-- A god that can't even talk! What sorrow awaits you who say to wooden idols, "wake up and save us!" To speechless stone images you say, "Rise up and teach us!" Can an idol tell you what to do? They may be overlaid with gold and silver, but they are lifeless inside. But the Lord in His Holy Temple. Let all the earth be silent before Him." Habakkuk 2:18-20

Woah. Just Woah. I had never read these verses before in my whole life of reading the bible! And it could not be laid out anymore for you. And I just thought about how much time I spend watching TV, or on the computer and how much time I spend with God each day and compared it. And honestly some days there wasn't even anything to compare to. Some days TV/Internet was all I did, and no time with God. Sometimes it was just God and no TV/Internet. But usually it was both, but TV/Internet won by a landslide. And I never thought of these things as idols, but I thought what if I cut those back or completely out during times of the week or limited myself to an amount daily. How much more time would I have for God? And it just blew me away at the vast amount of time I would have for him. And how I had somehow let TV/Internet become idols for me. And how we look at TV/Internet to teach us things. To tell us what to do, or how to make money or save us from our boredom and wind us down on a miserable day.

But when this world is over.. NONE of what tv, internet, movies, games, books, teachers, parents, friends, NONE of what they taught me or showed me will matter. I will not need to know how to cook or tie ribbon in heaven. I will not care if my hair looks good, or if what I am wearing is cute to those around me. I will not need to know how Oprah or Ellen likes their coffee. I will not need to know how to play a video game, or how to type 79 wpm. All this crap I am "learning" is not even going to matter in the end. Now I am not saying squander your life away to nothing. School is important and having a job for survival is key. But I am talking about all this crap we think we ought to know about or to learn how to do. And letting ourselves make learning from them our focus. The one who created us, is our teacher. And he is screaming at us and telling us LOOK I am here in front of you. All you need to know is what I am going to tell you. But yet you don't want to listen to me? I made you, I put you on this earth. You want to know about those rivers and oceans and birds, ask ME. I made them!! Why would we want to learn about life from another person who is just here like us? When we could know about life from the one who made it himself?

For me, it was something personal and blatantly obvious I felt like God was telling me. Even though I have cut down on tons of drama shows, which has defiantly seemed to calm my life down, I feel as though I still am not making enough time for God. And never realizing what we could make out of idols, I am seeing more clearly that it can be something right in front of you, that you may not even be realizing. Out of a day, how much is that spent on spending time with God or focused on God in some way shape or form. Maybe even talking to God? Be honest and give yourself a percentage. And then what would you like it to be? Realistically we aren't all monks and can sit around praying 24/7. But out of that free time you have, what are you spending it on? This year I am wanting to make things way more personal and I want that hunger for God, and want to be continuously satisfied in Him.

So whatever God has in store for me this year, I am up for it and I am excited to see what happens!

Now goals that I would like to work on personally, with God's help:
1. Run 365+ miles total. A mile a day isn't happening, but I figured that's a likely goal to obtain.
2. Get in better shape. (working on!)
3. Go on a missions trip.
4. Continuously work on my marriage and still continue to grow and find out new things about each other.
5. Try to be more patient in all areas.
6. Way less TV watching.
7. Be more crafty!
8. Actually put my clean clothes away! Ha! They live in the laundry baskets, I hate folding laundry!
9. Blog more
10. Find more new hobbies!

Ok that sounds good for now!

On a side note, I was what felt like deathly ill all weekend. Think it was just the flu, but Saturday was rough. I lived in the bathroom and was up till about 4:30 Sunday morning till I could even lay down to fall asleep. I felt better yesterday and thought I was in the clear till I got up this morning and tried oatmeal. Stomach said NO way! It is not ready for more solid foods, so back to chicken noodle soup and crackers.. not exactly what I call a good cheat on my diet! I did manage to sneak in some mac and cheese today! Shh don't tell! I deserved it after my weekend of negative calories! It was cute however, Antonio took care of me and bought me soup and made a make shift table for me next to the bed! It is nice to have someone to take care of you when you are writhing in pain and can barely get out of bed!

And then I find out I most likely have runners knee! Argh! What is going on with my body? Finally am almost done with all the coughing crap, then this flu, and now runners knee! I am falling apart! Wondering if this means I need to rest? Just trying to give my body what it needs for now. Frustrating it is all happening right now during my diet and workouts and messing with them! Oh well, good thing May is far away!

That's all for today! Ready to go home, put up some vday decor, make some french onion soup-minus cheese and crouton of course so really french onion broth with onions. Think my stomach wouldn't mind a different soup! Then off to bed. Didn't get much sleep last night so I am beat today!