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Kylee Noelle

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Only in Yoga

If you take Yoga, then you may enjoy this post. If you don't then you may not understand this post! Here are a few things said, heard, & thought during a Yoga class from beginning to end. I feel like you are ALL over the place in a yoga class with your thoughts!

-"Let your troubles melt into the floor"-if only it were that easy lady! Come on now.
-"Don't think about your bad day or hitting every red light on the way here"-uhm now I am thinking about it, thanks, this is relaxing
-"Focus on your breathing"-if I focus too much I will hold my breath to try and focus.
-" Just relax" (when you are upside down with your head between your legs)-rightttt, easier if I couldn't touch my nose to my ankle!
-Did she say downward dog again? Downward dog seems to be on repeat in her vocabulary.
-Why did I eat that apple? Please don't pass gas, pleaseee don't, OH I hope no one heard that!
-That lady must have had more then an apple. Don't laugh Don't laugh.
-Is that a man in here? An OLD man? Say what?! But really, why is his shirt off? And why does he think spandex shorts is a good idea?
-Why are there so many mirrors!? How's a girl supposed to fix a wedgie in here? Maybe when they close their eyes or look left, I will use my right hand to fix it! Genius!
-"Reach to the ceiling with those fingertips!" ok Lady I get it, point up, I can't touch the ceiling so stop telling me to.
-"Warrior pose"-If this is how a warrior came at me, I wouldn't be scared, just sayin, I might laugh actually.
-Advance people show offs.. just wait, one day I will be able to fold like a pretzel and touch my toes to the back of my head.. ya who am I kidding. Teacher's pets. Can't they have their own class?
-(While doing pose) "This pose is one of the most dangerous poses in Yoga-DON'T LOOK LEFT OR RIGHT?! If you do this wrong you can burst all the blood vessels in your head!" JEEZE LADY! I thought this was supposed to be relaxing! If I don't have a heart attack first, I may kill myself doing this whacko pose. I am going to die in yoga, that's it. I will be on 10 o clock news. How do I get out of this pose now?
-What the heck! Seriously. How is that 72 year old lady doing that pose better than me! That's not right!
-"Find your center." What the frig is she talking about? I have yet to find my chi let alone my center, she needs to explain these things.
-Who thought of these names for these poses? Seriously dead bug, I look like an idiot rolling all over ground holding my legs up. I look like I am drying to deliver a baby upside down.
-"Sink into the ground deeper." Uhm newsflash, I can't go anywhere further then the floor and this mat, how can I sink deeper?
-If I hear downward dog ONE more time, I swear.
-Is this torture over yet?
-Oh, I get to lay down during a workout and relax? YES!
-2 minutes later right as you are about to pass out-"Time to go." WAIT NOOOO! That was my favorite part!
-Man that was so hard! Why did I sign myself up for this? That should be how they torture prisoners. I am never going back!

Next Day
-"Welcome to Yoga everyone." -Drat, I knew I would be back. Let the torture begin!


Jo said...

Hi. La. Ri. Ous! So true. I was laughing out loud, thinking about last night's yoga class and their OBSESSION with downward dog. Ahem. :)

Suz and Allan said...

I'm 100% sure I thought most all of these things during my first yoga class!